Were you ever scared to be a parent?

Was I ever scared to be a parent?  Well, no.  I have always wanted to be a parent, perhaps more than I have wanted anything else in life.  I have never encountered a parenting situation that made me "scared."  I suppose it might be fair to ask if I ever felt inadequate.  And the answer is that I rarely felt inadequate, not that I don't have inadequacies, but that I have never faced parenting alone.  Your mother and I have always faced it together, and we have always relied on the Lord.  We have always sought him in prayer, and have never felt that we were alone in this business.
   Of course there have been challenging situations, and there have been times that I was worried that I might lose one of my children.  There have been times when I have hung on like death to a child that I thought I might lose.  I won't name names, but this has been most of you.  There have been times when I knew that I must wield the sword of truth in defense of my family, so to speak.  I know that Satan has done his worst to trip me up, and finding that he could not do that he has tried to take my children from me.  Gratefully each of you has chosen the light of the gospel over the darkness of his promises.
   Mom and I have taken your names to the temple on many occasions.  There is great hope and comfort in having the temple as a source of power where children are concerned.
   There are some fundamentals of parenting that I can recommend that will give you the faith and hope that you will need when the time of trial comes to your children.  First, keep the Sabbath Day holy.  Don't skimp on this commandment.  It can become difficult when your children don't want to go, but it will be easier to keep your children coming to church if you haven't cut corners on this commandment.  Teach your children the why.  We do not attend church because that is where we learn; the learning is a promised blessing, but it is not the reason.  We certainly don't attend so that we can appear to be holy.  The only valid reason for church attendance that will have the power to hold your children when Satan is tugging at them is, "We attend church to worship our Heavenly Father and to show him that we love him more than any of the other things that we might do on that day."  This understanding and faithful keeping of this commandment will be a protection to you little ones.
     Second, pay an honest tithe and involve the family in the payment of the tithes and to a degree the keeping of the family budget.  Here is the understanding of the commandment.  We often teach in the church that God gives us everything we have and asks us to return to him 10% for the operation and business of the Church.  That is only partly true and can lead to gross misunderstandings.  It is important for children to learn that God gives us everything we have and asks that we return 10% to the Church for the leadership of the Church to use as directed by God for the building up of his kingdom on the earth, and he leaves the other 90% for us to use as we see fit for the building up of his kingdom on the earth.  Family council might, from time to time, involve a discussion of what the family can do to use its resources in building up the kingdom of God.  Since each of you married children have been to the temple, you understand the covenants involved with this understanding.  The Lord does not ask for 10%, he asks for all.  His servants decide how the 10% will be used and we decide how the 90% will be used.  We will be held accountable for that stewardship.  Bring your children to tithing settlement.  If there is ever a question of whether or not to pay tithing, involve the children in the decision.  Make sure that your children have opportunities to earn money and to pay tithes.
   Third, if you can find the strength to do it, never go to bed until your teenaged (or any other aged) children are home, safe, and know that they are loved.  This is particularly hard for me now, with Jacob because I am old and have a harder time skipping sleep hours.  But, when your children know that you will be waiting and watching for them, they will know that they are important to you and that they will be held accountable for their behavior.  This plan will help create the feeling of home as a haven from the trouble in the world.
   Fourth, be watchful of those with whom your children come in contact.  One of the things that is most frightening to me (in hindsight--that I did not know of when it was happening) was the times when my children were subject to molestation.  This can come from anywhere: a cousin, an uncle, a friend who is being molested, a sibling who has been molested.  Satan cannot tempt little children, but he can get at them through older individuals in the environment who are under his influence.  Teach your sons to never engage in molestation.  Teach your children that they can come to you if it ever happens to them.  Because I was seen by my children as stern, they did not come to me in the moment when they needed my help the most.  Stern is good, but it is never healthy for a child to fear coming to a parent when they have been subject to molestation of any degree.
   Fifth, have fun.  Family fun and memories are the reason we do all of these things.  I remember just about every family trip we ever went on beginning with Mother being bent out of shape beyond recognition over trivial things.  I realize that her attention to details meant that we had what we needed, and that things were done in order, but sometimes I had to stop to remind her and to remind myself that the reason we were going on the trip was to have a great  time that everyone would remember.  I think that overall Mother and I were successful in this.  We had some great family bonding times.  I am most grateful for the year that we spent our vacation money on camping equipment and went up into the mountains together.  My overall feeling when I think of the early days of our marriage was that these were times of incredible joy.  I remember that each experience was not joyful, but those things have faded from my memory.  I remember with intense emotion the love we had, and the fun we had together.
    Well, this isn't much about being scared.  It is mostly about why I wasn't scared as a parent.  The major reason that I wasn't scared as a parent is that each of you is such a wonderful child.  Each of you decided early to follow the Lords plan of happiness.  And we have been wonderfully happy with the kind of joy that the troubles of earth life cannot take away.