I've had a while to think about this since my blog has been unavailable. Here are the words: Faith, Hope, and Charity. I know that sounds a bit simplistic, or perhaps it sounds like a Sunday School answer, so let me explain.
Faith. I think I mentioned in an earlier entry who Mother and I attended a fireside when we were young parents living in BYU Married Housing. I asked the question, "Are we justified in postponing a family when our finances are not ready for the burden? Dr. Peterson (who had been my pediatrician) answered, "Maybe you just need more faith." I was stunned and touched deep in my heart because my parents had never been in a financial position to have children. Indeed, it requires great financial faith to have a family these days. But there is much more.
Having children requires faith in Christ and his atonement. Knowing that we will make mistakes as parents--mistakes that will impact our children's lives, we can only proceed when we believe the Savior's promised redemption. Our children who wander will not be lost to us. There is a place in Christ where they will forgive us, and we will forgive them. This is the promise of the Temple ceremony that we should have righteous posterity. Faith is the thing.
We have to have faith in ourselves, and we have to have faith in our spouses. Through faith we receive the promptings of the Holy Spirit. It requires more faith to act on those.
I will admit that there have been times when I struggled to find the faith I needed to parent properly. At those times you experienced my deepest frustrations--my deepest fears. There is nothing in this life that I have worries about more than I have worried about losing one of you. At such times I didn't always behave with faith. Though, the Lord did help me and you to find a way. That means that your desire was for righteousness. I can't tell you how happy I am realizing that.
The second word is Hope. Parents have hopes for their children. Some of those hopes are righteous and some are not. I have always had hopes that my children would perform well. On occasion that has caused problems. Adam bore the brunt of that. I remember when he was in Little League. It was the last game of the season and he made it on base. But due to inexperience didn't know how to survive a squeeze play and was thrown out at Second. I yelled at him for that--to my great shame. I look back and would change that moment if I could. On another occasion Adam took a test that would determine if he would be able to take Advanced Math. He had David Donaldson took the test together. I was waiting for them in the car after the test and asked how it went. Adam said that he had skipped the last section of the test because he had not been taught those things. I blew up. Once again, I am embarrassed to think of it, but I gave him a great chewing out for not have tried the final questions. I think that each of you can think of such times in our relationship.
My hope has always been that my children would rise to prominence in life, and you have, in spite of my worst efforts. I still have great hopes for you. I hope that you will live in peace with your spouses. I hope that you will faithfully serve the Lord. I hope that you will rear your children in the admonition of the Lord, that you will teach them to keep the Sabbath Day Holy, to pay their tithing, and to marry in the temple. I know that you will teach them to be good citizens whatever else they choose to be.
The third word is Charity--the Pure Love of Christ. Charity means that you will easily forgive one another, that you will understand that happiness comes from serving each other and not though being served. I have developed a habit over the years of saying, "I love you," when Mother has said or done something that annoys me. Hahaha. I think she has caught on because lately she repeats the favor. I do not go to bed at night or get up in the morning without first thanking the Lord for my dear wife--my sweetest treasure. There have been times when I have not been grateful for Mother, and in those moments of daily prayer stopping until I am grateful for her has changed my life entirely.
I won't repeat here the sermons of Paul and Moroni on the subject of Charity. You know these, and they are well worth reviewing. I will say that Charity is best learned in the home as we struggle with each other in close proximity. Learn to curb your anger and your scathing rebukes. A soft answer truth away wrath. Study until you have learned the true meaning of the 121st section of the D&C. Reproving betimes with sharpness, does not mean with anger, but with exactness. Betimes means immediately. It does little good to reprove a child long after the fact. They need proximity of punishment and wrong doing in order to connect the two and change their ways. I have learned that reproving in anger is seldom if ever "reproving when moved upon by the Holy Ghost." My Uncle George once made the comment that he could not remember ever a time when the Holy Ghost prompted him to anger. I have learned much from that. There are places in the New Testament where the Savior seems to be upset with his disciples. But the remarks he gives them at such times can be spoken with the greatest of patience and long suffering. I do not think that the Savior ever lost his temper--not even when driving the money changers from the Temple--which he did in the zeal of the House of the Lord, but not in anger. I still struggle with this concept, but my cancer treatments and the pains of old age are teaching me patience and compassion.
Let these three things rule your homes and your lives. I have faith and hope that they do, and I love you with a love deeper than comprehension. I love you from before the foundations, and beyond the ends of the earth--and I believe that I have known you longer than all that.
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