I think I have already talked about times when my mettle was tested in previous posts. Here's a list:
1. Going back to school to become a teacher.
2. Student teaching. (This was the hardest thing I think I've ever done.)
3. The decision to have Jacob.
When we lived in Pleasant Grove I served for a time as Ward Mission Leader (I was just set apart for that calling again today.) One of the responsibilities at that time was to teach the Temple Preparation class. I made it a priority to attend the temple with each new couple who graduated this class. On one of these occasions, Mom and I were with a young couple in the Timpanogos Temple. Near the end of the ceremony we were joined in prayer. Mom started to dry, though I didn't notice because I was intent on the words of the prayer. After we entered the Celestial Room, Mom and I sat together; she was very emotional and said, "Tell me I'm crazy." I complied with that request and said, "You're crazy." Then I asked what was the matter. Mom told me that the Spirit had spoken clearly to her during the prayer that we were to have another child. I had been expecting this for quite some time, and told her that I thought that we should follow that direction.
At Emily's birth (which was a little unexpected--there isn't nearly the space between Em and Jen as between any of the other siblings) Mom was under some pressure from her mother to have her tubes tied. I wasn't in favor of this, but knew that Mom was going to be under considerable stress with four little ones, two in diapers, to care for. So, I acquiesced. Before mother and I were married we met with her bishop in Soda Springs. He counseled me that Mom would know when we should have children. Knowing that a tubal ligation (tubes tied) can be reversed, I felt that when the time came, Mom and I could have another child or two (initially, Mom and I thought we would have 6 children).
So Mom and I called her OBGyn and set an appointment for a tubal reanastomosis (reconnection, or untying of the tubes). The cost of the procedure would be $6000 of which our insurance would cover $0. I had recently left work at SILO for RC Willey. SILO had gone out of business, and so there was a settlement of a retirement account. I had the option to take the money now, or reinvest the money into another retirement account. The amount was almost exactly $6000. We felt that the Lord was helping us to do as He had directed--a thing that he always will do if we have faith. So we had the procedure done at the Utah Valley Regional Hospital.
I came to the hospital the following day to visit Mom and to see how soon she would be able to come home. She looked more weak and frail in that hospital bed than I have ever seen her, and I was struck with how dangerous any medical procedure is, how easily I could lose her, how I could never explain to her parents what we had done, and how willingly Mom did what Heavenly Father asked her to do. Whatever else, your mother is a woman of great faith and obedience. I wanted to get something special for Mom, but had no money. I found a glass jar, tall, and slightly aqua in color, with a ceramic lid decorated with grapes. I filled it with her favorite candy, red licorice vines and brought it to her. We still have the jar.
It would be five or six years and a move to Kansas before Jacob would be born. During that time, Mom and I were tempted to think that perhaps the feeling we had had in the temple was just a feeling. I will not go into any details, but when Jacob was conceived, Mom and I both knew. We didn't need a pregnancy test. He was born while we were living in Santa Fe Street in Scott City, just days before the 9/11 attacks.
How was this a testing of my mettle, or Mom's mettle? Our mettle? First, it takes faith to recognize the promptings of the Spirit and to act on those promptings. We knew that trying to have another baby would cause worry and perhaps worse with Grandma and Grandpa Brown who were very pragmatic and also very worried about Mom's well being. So we didn't dare tell them about the reanastomosis or that Mom was pregnant until two months before Jacob was born. I was tested whether I would believe the promise made by Mother's bishop that she would know when it was time for her to have children. (I do not recommend, except in very extreme cases, the procedure of tubal ligation. It is too expensive to undo, and the chances for success in reanastimosis are not high enough. We were blessed. This is an issue not to tempt fate with.) Our faith was tested as we sacrificed $6000 to follow a prompting. Our faith was tested as we waited years for the fulfillment of the prompting. The blessings for that faithfulness have been wonderful.
P.S. I know that it appears that Mother and I care for Jacob far more than we did for the rest of you. We attend his sports and school events far more than we could attend yours. I can only say that we could not have attended your event as we desired. Second, Mom and I are older which means that we are wiser, but that we are also weaker. It is looking more and more that I won't be able to take Jacob on the 50 mile backpacking trip that is on my bucket list. I may have to rely on his brothers, or uncle to do this for me. So, you got a younger, stronger parent who made many more parenting mistakes. Jacob has an older, wiser parent who makes fewer parenting mistakes, but physically can't do all that a boy needs his father to do. There should be no doubt but that I love all of my children. I am proud of all of you. Each of you were had at great sacrifice, and each of you give Mom and I our greatest joy and happiness as you live the gospel and raise your children in it. I have nothing to show for my life except you, and if I had anything else it wouldn't make a difference. Each of you is precious in my and Mom's crown.
4. The tough decision to move to Kansas.
Grandma and Grandpa Brown were happy that we lived close. They would have been happier if we had lived even closer, though I don't think that our living closer would have done anything to save their marriage. Perhaps. But that is not the direction that we were led.
Grandma and Grandpa held money from the settlement with the railroad from Mom's train accident. It was a significant amount of money. They had told Mom that she should never mention that money to anyone, especially not to the young men that she dated. They were concerned that a young man would try to marry Mom to get control of her money. I have never taken offense to that council. Parents should protect their children. After I started work at SILO, Mom began to want to find a house and to move out of the apartment we lived in. The new income made this possible. So we started to see homes with a couple of different realtors. A woman showed us the Pleasant Grove home which was priced about $5000 above our set limit. I asked if we should put in an offer at our price. She said that it wouldn't have a chance. So we went on looking. A while later, a few weeks maybe, we were visiting with another realtor and asked what the PG property had sold for. He told us that it had sold for the exact amount that we had thought to offer. I was upset, but he said that we should put in a back-up offer. I didn't think that there was much chance, but we did. Two months later he called me at SILO to tell me that I had just bought a house.
Grandpa and Grandma freed up a good chunk of Mom's railroad money as a down payment on the house and we moved in. This is significant, because years later when we made the decision to move to Kansas, they were hurt. They had helped us settle in the area. They wanted us close.
Just a few months after taking the job with SILO I played a terrible April Fools Day joke. The company was spreading rumors of expanding into markets in California. I called Mother and told her that SILO was considering me for an assistant manager position in California, but that I wanted to know what she thought before I gave an answer. I told her that we would talk when I got home that night. I knew that Mom's first move once I was off the phone would be to call her mother. I knew that I could never trick Grandma Brown with the joke, but I knew that Mother would pull it off wonderfully if she didn't know. And she did. An hour later I called Mother back and said, "April Fools!" She had to call her mother and told her. Grandma had called every relative she could get on the line and cried that I was taking her daughter so far away. I don't want to make too much fun, because I know that Grandma's reaction was born of her long hours at Mother's hospital bed side. It was the perfect, and the most terrible joke.
So now we were going to tell Grandma and Grandpa that we were selling the home they had helped us to buy, and that we were moving to the other side of the Rocky Mountains. This was a case in which the Spirit had given us direction, and we were concerned that Grandpa and Grandma's faith was not strong enough to understand what we were doing and why.
As I was completing my schooling, Mom and I attended a Church broadcast missionary fireside. N Eldon Porter was speaking about convert retention. In the middle of his speech, I received the prompting to take the family and move to the mission field where I would find fulfillment in missionary work. My initial response was to argue that I could not ask Mother to leave our nice home, our wonderful ward, and her family. I didn't give the prompting anymore thought, until Mother turned to me (maybe two minutes later) and said, "I have a strong feeling that we should move to the mission field." My patriarchal blessing talks of missionary work that I will do; Mother's talks of work that she will do in the auxiliaries of the Church. Mom felt that she would not have the chance in a ward like those in Utah to fill callings due to her limitations relative to her handicaps. I told Mom of the prompting that I had just had, and knew that the Lord had heard my argument and solved it for me: I didn't have to ask Mother to make the required sacrifices--the Lord asked her. We didn't have any argument on the question, but began preparing to do what the Lord had asked of us. The difficulty was in telling Grandma and Grandpa what we had decided.
Grandma and Grandpa didn't take to our decision well. A battle of wills ensued. I had seen this before and knew how tenacious Grandma Brown could be. When Adam was born Mom and I wanted to name him Hyrum Adam Bennion. Grandma Brown was adamant that this wasn't going to happen. Mom and I would talk and it would be Hyrum. Mom would talk with Grandma and it would not be Hyrum. And this went back and forth five times--while Mother was recovering from C-section delivery in the hospital. I wasn't about to be swayed, but finally decided that Mother didn't need to be the ball in a ferocious game of tetherball between Grandma and me. So our first born would be named Adam. And his son would be Hyrum.
I could see that the battle between Grandma and myself over the move to Kansas was going to be a hard fought, emotional one, and once again I wanted to protect Mother from being the ball being smashed back and forth. Grandma and Grandpa Brown decided to come visit us to talk us out of the move. We didn't feel that we could explain to them that the Lord had asked us to make the move. We knew that it wasn't logical. But we were determined to do it. And our mettle was tested. At one point in the "discussion" I said to Grandma and Grandpa, "This has to stop. Stop it." Grandpa rose from his chair and was somewhat moved to get physical. I doubt that he would have done anything, but it was a very tense moment. I said that it was not right to make Jodi the emotional football in this contest. We had considered all of their ideas, thoughts, and arguments, and still felt that this was a move that we needed to make. It would have been easier to cave to their desires, and I would have had I not known that we were doing what the Lord directed us to do. Our mettle, our testimonies, our faith in God's promises were all tested, and we were greatly blessed for our determination.
We were blessed to be removed from the terrible divorce that was about to happen. We were blessed to get our children away from some very bad influences. We have been blessed in the fulfillment of patriarchal blessing promises. I have baptized many more people than I did on my mission. Mom has filled callings as president of auxiliaries. The greatest blessing is that our children were raised in a family where revelation has been received and followed. We are grateful that we could share with you our decision to move. We held a family home evening in which we read the story of Lehi and his family leaving Jerusalem and going into the wilderness. Our decision to name our last child "Jacob" instead of James is linked to Lehi's naming of his second to last as "Jacob, my first born in the wilderness." We have been blessed in that our children have followed the Gospel and are raising their little ones to do the same. There is no other blessing to compare. We will keep this blessing forever. All others fade or fail.
5. Going back to school to become a principal.
6. Finding a job as principal.
7. Standing up to cancer.
8. The tough decision to move to Missouri and go back to teaching.
9. Finally pursuing writing--an ongoing test.
Message me and let me know which of these you want to know more about and I'll write about those.
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