Matthew was born just about one year after Katherine. My parents were living at Green Jacket in a home my father built next to my great-grandfather, Israel Bennion's home. My mother had developed a bad stomach ache which caused her to go into labor a month early. Matthew's lungs were not yet fully developed, and lacking the medical equipment and skills that would come in a few short decades, Matthew only lived two days. My father could see that this was the case and so gave Matthew a name and a blessing at the hospital. One of my siblings posted a letter that my father wrote on the occasion. I will try to find it and copy it here.
My dad was behind on his tithing at the time of Matthew's birth and felt that things might have gone differently had he been square with the Lord. In any event, he was faithful in his tithes from then on. There is a brush that grows plentifully at Green Jacket that my dad calls Brigham Tea. I that it was called Rabbit Brush. A tea can be made from its leaves that will sooth and quiet an upset stomach. My father, when he discovered this thought that he could have administered this and prevented the premature birth.
The characteristic of my father and mother that is worthy of emulation is that when a tragedy happened they didn't lose faith, but gained faith. Passing through life with this habit can only produce great faith. It is a trait that they passed to their children.
I have already mentioned in my post about Katherine about her experiences with Matthew. So I will only reiterate here that Matthew has been close to the family. It has been a great blessing to have a brother on the other side. On more than one occasion we have felt his presence with us in the temple. My parents expect to be allowed to raise him during the millennium.
Although I have not had any experiences similar to those Katherine has spoken to me about, I do not doubt Katherine's stories. But these stories get retold often enough that details become blurred and reinterpreted. Be careful when hearing them, and be especially careful not to share them. Otherwise our family treasures become urban legends or faith promoting rumors.
Sunday, January 28, 2018
Sunday, January 21, 2018
Katherine
Since I have 12 siblings I will combine #'s 19 and 20 and just make one entry for each sibling.
When I was about four years old Dad took the family on a fishing trip to Scofield Reservoir. I managed to fall into the lake and Katherine "fished" me out. She claims to have saved my life, and I'm willing to allow her that. I don't remember the event, but somewhere there is a family picture of me standing by a sheet metal stove wearing one of my sister's coats.
Most of my early memories of Katherine are negative. She was usually left in charge of the children when Mom and Dad when somewhere. She ruled the unruly group of younger siblings with shouts and threats. So, we younger siblings would taunt her, and call her a "bossy cow," a mantra that we would chant changing the first letter of each word to "s." "Sasrine sis a sossy sow." This didn't really sound tame and I'm sure she knew we were taunting her, which made her all the more unreasonable. Joe was old enough and strong enough to challenge Katherine for supremacy at home and sometimes the battle between older siblings was terrifying to a little boy. On one occasion Katherine had a chain from the backyard swing set with which she was chasing Joe through the house. At least that is my memory.
One of my most embarrassing moments as a boy came when I was about nine of ten. I had just taken a shower and had gone to my room to dress. So, I'm standing there buck naked just about to pull up my skivvies when Katherine burst through the door unannounced. I don't remember what she wanted; all I remember is how frustrated and angry I was. I swore that I would get even with her and bust in on her unannounced. I never did, I wanted to shame her as I had been shamed. Freud could write a whole book on me and that one incident alone.
Katherine was a big fan of Paul McCartney and the Beatles. She had a fairly good sized collection of Beatles memorabilia. Mother threw it all away.
I remember Katherine as a college student. Her room mates used to look twice at me when I would visit her apartment in Provo. I thought this was pretty cool, but Katherine warned me to stay clear of them. During this time Katherine was driving a VW Bug, which I also thought was pretty cool.
Katherine has told me a little about the years before I was born. Mom and Dad lived in a small house that Dad built at Green Jacket. This was across from the home that Israel Bennion had built, where my cousin Liz and her husband Allan Mitchell live today. My dad was always affectionate with his littlest children. This would generally continue until we were about five, at which time we because subjects in need of correction--no more affection--only reprimands. This went hard on Katherine. As a little girl in love with her daddy, she didn't understand why suddenly he was not affectionate with her anymore. Katherine once told me that she thought Dad quit his affection because he was afraid that he might become abusive--that he was afraid of having affection for a child past the age of about five. Maybe. I alway felt that Dad just didn't have time or patience for older children. I have memories of my dad's affection, but they are very vague. For Katherine, being the oldest, losing Dad's affection was hard. She often described her teen years as dark.
There was a story about in Mormon circles about a general authority, I don't remember which one, and it doesn't matter, who said to a child that they would prefer to meet the train to receive the child's casket then that they would meet the train to receive the child coming home without their honor. (In the story honor meant virtue, or virginity.) To Katherine this was more evidence that her father had lost his ability to love her.
In the early 70's Joe and Katherine had taken to referring to Dad as "Chairman Owen," a reference to the communist, Chairman Mow. Dad was very authoritarian and Katherine and Joe were both very taken with the liberal sentiments of those Hippie days. Both Katherine and Joe still have strong Liberal leanings to this day. My own Liberal leanings came from different sources than theirs--a topic for another time.
Not long before my mission Katherine married Dennis Pincock. Their oldest daughter, Angelic was sometime hired to babysit for us. Angelic was born shortly before Uncle Jonny. Mom wasn't pregnant at Katherine's wedding, but the joke about Mormon weddings almost applies. "How can you tell it's a Mormon wedding? Because the mother of the bride is the one who's pregnant."
Katherine lived her entire life in the West Valley area. We sometimes went there for visits. Family gatherings often happened at Katherine's home. The older children would watch videos or play games upstairs while the grown ups held court below.
Katherine and Dennis were both educators. Katherine taught Kindergarten, which she mostly enjoyed, though she often complained of administrators or ridiculous policies. I think she just needed an ear to vent in. Mine was sometimes available.
When Katherine was a young woman--maybe early teen--she had a singular experience which has greatly affected her life. She woke to see a young man standing at the side of her bed. Of course she was startled. She tells me that the young man looked a lot like her brothers. The young man vanished. For years Katherine pondered on what this was. I've heard various versions of this story, and the one I'm relating is the one I believe to be closest to Katherine's own, but time plays tricks on memory, so I may have small details incorrect. Katherine does not like to have the story told, so I would ask that you not repeat it. It is her story, and to a degree it is mine.
When Mother and I were married in the Idaho Falls Temple, Katherine tells that just before the ceremony was performed she felt a spiritual presence enter the room with great force. At that moment she realized that the presence was our dead brother, Matthew. She also realized that the young man she had seen by her bedside so many years before was Matthew. On one occasion Katherine claimed that Matthew had helped her through the dark times of her teen years.
Others in the family from time to time have claimed to have seen Matthew in the Temple or to have felt his presence. I haven't had that privilege and sometime wonder at the stories told. However, Katherine's story about the young man at her bedside I have never doubted or felt any uncertainty about it. Once again, be careful about these kinds of stories. Retelling them in the wrong context or setting will turn your sacred story into an urban legend. So, keep these things and ponder them in your heart, but don't talk about them. My dad had a tendency to tell Katherine's story, and she was never happy about it.
Katherine is very moved by family history and genealogy. More than any of my siblings she does family history work, and is at this time serving a family history mission in SLC. She doesn't like sharing her research--not that she won't--but she feels that we should each do the research. There's something to that. She is also very particular about documenting dates and events in a family chart. We have an ancestor who used to baptize his children at home in the bath tub. Well, sometimes the record was not kept. So an ancestor who had all of their temple work done was baptized vicariously to get the ordinance properly recorded. After all, it is what is written in the books that will judge us.
Some of Katherine's children have left activity in the church, a thing that has deeply hurt her. It has taken her years to come to grips with the situation. Mother and I feel doubly blessed that our children remain faithful in the Church. We feel blessed that you are rearing your children in the love and admonition of the Lord. However, I know that agency being what it is, not all of our grandchildren may remain faithful in the Church. If this should happen, don't take it personally. Don't think that you have failed Mother and me. Love your children, keep them close. Don't drive them away if they should leave activity. If you teach your children to keep the Sabbath Day, to pay their tithing, and to prepare for missions and temple, then it is less likely that they will fall away from the Church. Be kind to those who have children who stray.
What would I say to Katherine? I am grateful for her kindness to me. I am grateful for her faithfulness. I am grateful for her patience with me. I would tell her to be at peace concerning her children. They are sealed to her. That can't be broken--not even by a wayward child. So, love them.
When any of you visit in the Salt Lake area, visit Katherine. Visit Angelic. These are families ties worth keeping up. Only some of your little ones are old enough to remember such a visit, but it will be worth it for those who are. Katherine can fill your ear with tons of old family lore. She remembers my parents' and grandparents' generations better than anyone now living.
When I was about four years old Dad took the family on a fishing trip to Scofield Reservoir. I managed to fall into the lake and Katherine "fished" me out. She claims to have saved my life, and I'm willing to allow her that. I don't remember the event, but somewhere there is a family picture of me standing by a sheet metal stove wearing one of my sister's coats.
Most of my early memories of Katherine are negative. She was usually left in charge of the children when Mom and Dad when somewhere. She ruled the unruly group of younger siblings with shouts and threats. So, we younger siblings would taunt her, and call her a "bossy cow," a mantra that we would chant changing the first letter of each word to "s." "Sasrine sis a sossy sow." This didn't really sound tame and I'm sure she knew we were taunting her, which made her all the more unreasonable. Joe was old enough and strong enough to challenge Katherine for supremacy at home and sometimes the battle between older siblings was terrifying to a little boy. On one occasion Katherine had a chain from the backyard swing set with which she was chasing Joe through the house. At least that is my memory.
One of my most embarrassing moments as a boy came when I was about nine of ten. I had just taken a shower and had gone to my room to dress. So, I'm standing there buck naked just about to pull up my skivvies when Katherine burst through the door unannounced. I don't remember what she wanted; all I remember is how frustrated and angry I was. I swore that I would get even with her and bust in on her unannounced. I never did, I wanted to shame her as I had been shamed. Freud could write a whole book on me and that one incident alone.
Katherine was a big fan of Paul McCartney and the Beatles. She had a fairly good sized collection of Beatles memorabilia. Mother threw it all away.
I remember Katherine as a college student. Her room mates used to look twice at me when I would visit her apartment in Provo. I thought this was pretty cool, but Katherine warned me to stay clear of them. During this time Katherine was driving a VW Bug, which I also thought was pretty cool.
Katherine has told me a little about the years before I was born. Mom and Dad lived in a small house that Dad built at Green Jacket. This was across from the home that Israel Bennion had built, where my cousin Liz and her husband Allan Mitchell live today. My dad was always affectionate with his littlest children. This would generally continue until we were about five, at which time we because subjects in need of correction--no more affection--only reprimands. This went hard on Katherine. As a little girl in love with her daddy, she didn't understand why suddenly he was not affectionate with her anymore. Katherine once told me that she thought Dad quit his affection because he was afraid that he might become abusive--that he was afraid of having affection for a child past the age of about five. Maybe. I alway felt that Dad just didn't have time or patience for older children. I have memories of my dad's affection, but they are very vague. For Katherine, being the oldest, losing Dad's affection was hard. She often described her teen years as dark.
There was a story about in Mormon circles about a general authority, I don't remember which one, and it doesn't matter, who said to a child that they would prefer to meet the train to receive the child's casket then that they would meet the train to receive the child coming home without their honor. (In the story honor meant virtue, or virginity.) To Katherine this was more evidence that her father had lost his ability to love her.
In the early 70's Joe and Katherine had taken to referring to Dad as "Chairman Owen," a reference to the communist, Chairman Mow. Dad was very authoritarian and Katherine and Joe were both very taken with the liberal sentiments of those Hippie days. Both Katherine and Joe still have strong Liberal leanings to this day. My own Liberal leanings came from different sources than theirs--a topic for another time.
Not long before my mission Katherine married Dennis Pincock. Their oldest daughter, Angelic was sometime hired to babysit for us. Angelic was born shortly before Uncle Jonny. Mom wasn't pregnant at Katherine's wedding, but the joke about Mormon weddings almost applies. "How can you tell it's a Mormon wedding? Because the mother of the bride is the one who's pregnant."
Katherine lived her entire life in the West Valley area. We sometimes went there for visits. Family gatherings often happened at Katherine's home. The older children would watch videos or play games upstairs while the grown ups held court below.
Katherine and Dennis were both educators. Katherine taught Kindergarten, which she mostly enjoyed, though she often complained of administrators or ridiculous policies. I think she just needed an ear to vent in. Mine was sometimes available.
When Katherine was a young woman--maybe early teen--she had a singular experience which has greatly affected her life. She woke to see a young man standing at the side of her bed. Of course she was startled. She tells me that the young man looked a lot like her brothers. The young man vanished. For years Katherine pondered on what this was. I've heard various versions of this story, and the one I'm relating is the one I believe to be closest to Katherine's own, but time plays tricks on memory, so I may have small details incorrect. Katherine does not like to have the story told, so I would ask that you not repeat it. It is her story, and to a degree it is mine.
When Mother and I were married in the Idaho Falls Temple, Katherine tells that just before the ceremony was performed she felt a spiritual presence enter the room with great force. At that moment she realized that the presence was our dead brother, Matthew. She also realized that the young man she had seen by her bedside so many years before was Matthew. On one occasion Katherine claimed that Matthew had helped her through the dark times of her teen years.
Others in the family from time to time have claimed to have seen Matthew in the Temple or to have felt his presence. I haven't had that privilege and sometime wonder at the stories told. However, Katherine's story about the young man at her bedside I have never doubted or felt any uncertainty about it. Once again, be careful about these kinds of stories. Retelling them in the wrong context or setting will turn your sacred story into an urban legend. So, keep these things and ponder them in your heart, but don't talk about them. My dad had a tendency to tell Katherine's story, and she was never happy about it.
Katherine is very moved by family history and genealogy. More than any of my siblings she does family history work, and is at this time serving a family history mission in SLC. She doesn't like sharing her research--not that she won't--but she feels that we should each do the research. There's something to that. She is also very particular about documenting dates and events in a family chart. We have an ancestor who used to baptize his children at home in the bath tub. Well, sometimes the record was not kept. So an ancestor who had all of their temple work done was baptized vicariously to get the ordinance properly recorded. After all, it is what is written in the books that will judge us.
Some of Katherine's children have left activity in the church, a thing that has deeply hurt her. It has taken her years to come to grips with the situation. Mother and I feel doubly blessed that our children remain faithful in the Church. We feel blessed that you are rearing your children in the love and admonition of the Lord. However, I know that agency being what it is, not all of our grandchildren may remain faithful in the Church. If this should happen, don't take it personally. Don't think that you have failed Mother and me. Love your children, keep them close. Don't drive them away if they should leave activity. If you teach your children to keep the Sabbath Day, to pay their tithing, and to prepare for missions and temple, then it is less likely that they will fall away from the Church. Be kind to those who have children who stray.
What would I say to Katherine? I am grateful for her kindness to me. I am grateful for her faithfulness. I am grateful for her patience with me. I would tell her to be at peace concerning her children. They are sealed to her. That can't be broken--not even by a wayward child. So, love them.
When any of you visit in the Salt Lake area, visit Katherine. Visit Angelic. These are families ties worth keeping up. Only some of your little ones are old enough to remember such a visit, but it will be worth it for those who are. Katherine can fill your ear with tons of old family lore. She remembers my parents' and grandparents' generations better than anyone now living.
Sunday, January 14, 2018
What three words would you say represented your approach to parenting and why?
I've had a while to think about this since my blog has been unavailable. Here are the words: Faith, Hope, and Charity. I know that sounds a bit simplistic, or perhaps it sounds like a Sunday School answer, so let me explain.
Faith. I think I mentioned in an earlier entry who Mother and I attended a fireside when we were young parents living in BYU Married Housing. I asked the question, "Are we justified in postponing a family when our finances are not ready for the burden? Dr. Peterson (who had been my pediatrician) answered, "Maybe you just need more faith." I was stunned and touched deep in my heart because my parents had never been in a financial position to have children. Indeed, it requires great financial faith to have a family these days. But there is much more.
Having children requires faith in Christ and his atonement. Knowing that we will make mistakes as parents--mistakes that will impact our children's lives, we can only proceed when we believe the Savior's promised redemption. Our children who wander will not be lost to us. There is a place in Christ where they will forgive us, and we will forgive them. This is the promise of the Temple ceremony that we should have righteous posterity. Faith is the thing.
We have to have faith in ourselves, and we have to have faith in our spouses. Through faith we receive the promptings of the Holy Spirit. It requires more faith to act on those.
I will admit that there have been times when I struggled to find the faith I needed to parent properly. At those times you experienced my deepest frustrations--my deepest fears. There is nothing in this life that I have worries about more than I have worried about losing one of you. At such times I didn't always behave with faith. Though, the Lord did help me and you to find a way. That means that your desire was for righteousness. I can't tell you how happy I am realizing that.
The second word is Hope. Parents have hopes for their children. Some of those hopes are righteous and some are not. I have always had hopes that my children would perform well. On occasion that has caused problems. Adam bore the brunt of that. I remember when he was in Little League. It was the last game of the season and he made it on base. But due to inexperience didn't know how to survive a squeeze play and was thrown out at Second. I yelled at him for that--to my great shame. I look back and would change that moment if I could. On another occasion Adam took a test that would determine if he would be able to take Advanced Math. He had David Donaldson took the test together. I was waiting for them in the car after the test and asked how it went. Adam said that he had skipped the last section of the test because he had not been taught those things. I blew up. Once again, I am embarrassed to think of it, but I gave him a great chewing out for not have tried the final questions. I think that each of you can think of such times in our relationship.
My hope has always been that my children would rise to prominence in life, and you have, in spite of my worst efforts. I still have great hopes for you. I hope that you will live in peace with your spouses. I hope that you will faithfully serve the Lord. I hope that you will rear your children in the admonition of the Lord, that you will teach them to keep the Sabbath Day Holy, to pay their tithing, and to marry in the temple. I know that you will teach them to be good citizens whatever else they choose to be.
The third word is Charity--the Pure Love of Christ. Charity means that you will easily forgive one another, that you will understand that happiness comes from serving each other and not though being served. I have developed a habit over the years of saying, "I love you," when Mother has said or done something that annoys me. Hahaha. I think she has caught on because lately she repeats the favor. I do not go to bed at night or get up in the morning without first thanking the Lord for my dear wife--my sweetest treasure. There have been times when I have not been grateful for Mother, and in those moments of daily prayer stopping until I am grateful for her has changed my life entirely.
I won't repeat here the sermons of Paul and Moroni on the subject of Charity. You know these, and they are well worth reviewing. I will say that Charity is best learned in the home as we struggle with each other in close proximity. Learn to curb your anger and your scathing rebukes. A soft answer truth away wrath. Study until you have learned the true meaning of the 121st section of the D&C. Reproving betimes with sharpness, does not mean with anger, but with exactness. Betimes means immediately. It does little good to reprove a child long after the fact. They need proximity of punishment and wrong doing in order to connect the two and change their ways. I have learned that reproving in anger is seldom if ever "reproving when moved upon by the Holy Ghost." My Uncle George once made the comment that he could not remember ever a time when the Holy Ghost prompted him to anger. I have learned much from that. There are places in the New Testament where the Savior seems to be upset with his disciples. But the remarks he gives them at such times can be spoken with the greatest of patience and long suffering. I do not think that the Savior ever lost his temper--not even when driving the money changers from the Temple--which he did in the zeal of the House of the Lord, but not in anger. I still struggle with this concept, but my cancer treatments and the pains of old age are teaching me patience and compassion.
Let these three things rule your homes and your lives. I have faith and hope that they do, and I love you with a love deeper than comprehension. I love you from before the foundations, and beyond the ends of the earth--and I believe that I have known you longer than all that.
Faith. I think I mentioned in an earlier entry who Mother and I attended a fireside when we were young parents living in BYU Married Housing. I asked the question, "Are we justified in postponing a family when our finances are not ready for the burden? Dr. Peterson (who had been my pediatrician) answered, "Maybe you just need more faith." I was stunned and touched deep in my heart because my parents had never been in a financial position to have children. Indeed, it requires great financial faith to have a family these days. But there is much more.
Having children requires faith in Christ and his atonement. Knowing that we will make mistakes as parents--mistakes that will impact our children's lives, we can only proceed when we believe the Savior's promised redemption. Our children who wander will not be lost to us. There is a place in Christ where they will forgive us, and we will forgive them. This is the promise of the Temple ceremony that we should have righteous posterity. Faith is the thing.
We have to have faith in ourselves, and we have to have faith in our spouses. Through faith we receive the promptings of the Holy Spirit. It requires more faith to act on those.
I will admit that there have been times when I struggled to find the faith I needed to parent properly. At those times you experienced my deepest frustrations--my deepest fears. There is nothing in this life that I have worries about more than I have worried about losing one of you. At such times I didn't always behave with faith. Though, the Lord did help me and you to find a way. That means that your desire was for righteousness. I can't tell you how happy I am realizing that.
The second word is Hope. Parents have hopes for their children. Some of those hopes are righteous and some are not. I have always had hopes that my children would perform well. On occasion that has caused problems. Adam bore the brunt of that. I remember when he was in Little League. It was the last game of the season and he made it on base. But due to inexperience didn't know how to survive a squeeze play and was thrown out at Second. I yelled at him for that--to my great shame. I look back and would change that moment if I could. On another occasion Adam took a test that would determine if he would be able to take Advanced Math. He had David Donaldson took the test together. I was waiting for them in the car after the test and asked how it went. Adam said that he had skipped the last section of the test because he had not been taught those things. I blew up. Once again, I am embarrassed to think of it, but I gave him a great chewing out for not have tried the final questions. I think that each of you can think of such times in our relationship.
My hope has always been that my children would rise to prominence in life, and you have, in spite of my worst efforts. I still have great hopes for you. I hope that you will live in peace with your spouses. I hope that you will faithfully serve the Lord. I hope that you will rear your children in the admonition of the Lord, that you will teach them to keep the Sabbath Day Holy, to pay their tithing, and to marry in the temple. I know that you will teach them to be good citizens whatever else they choose to be.
The third word is Charity--the Pure Love of Christ. Charity means that you will easily forgive one another, that you will understand that happiness comes from serving each other and not though being served. I have developed a habit over the years of saying, "I love you," when Mother has said or done something that annoys me. Hahaha. I think she has caught on because lately she repeats the favor. I do not go to bed at night or get up in the morning without first thanking the Lord for my dear wife--my sweetest treasure. There have been times when I have not been grateful for Mother, and in those moments of daily prayer stopping until I am grateful for her has changed my life entirely.
I won't repeat here the sermons of Paul and Moroni on the subject of Charity. You know these, and they are well worth reviewing. I will say that Charity is best learned in the home as we struggle with each other in close proximity. Learn to curb your anger and your scathing rebukes. A soft answer truth away wrath. Study until you have learned the true meaning of the 121st section of the D&C. Reproving betimes with sharpness, does not mean with anger, but with exactness. Betimes means immediately. It does little good to reprove a child long after the fact. They need proximity of punishment and wrong doing in order to connect the two and change their ways. I have learned that reproving in anger is seldom if ever "reproving when moved upon by the Holy Ghost." My Uncle George once made the comment that he could not remember ever a time when the Holy Ghost prompted him to anger. I have learned much from that. There are places in the New Testament where the Savior seems to be upset with his disciples. But the remarks he gives them at such times can be spoken with the greatest of patience and long suffering. I do not think that the Savior ever lost his temper--not even when driving the money changers from the Temple--which he did in the zeal of the House of the Lord, but not in anger. I still struggle with this concept, but my cancer treatments and the pains of old age are teaching me patience and compassion.
Let these three things rule your homes and your lives. I have faith and hope that they do, and I love you with a love deeper than comprehension. I love you from before the foundations, and beyond the ends of the earth--and I believe that I have known you longer than all that.
Sunday, November 26, 2017
Were you ever scared to be a parent?
Was I ever scared to be a parent? Well, no. I have always wanted to be a parent, perhaps more than I have wanted anything else in life. I have never encountered a parenting situation that made me "scared." I suppose it might be fair to ask if I ever felt inadequate. And the answer is that I rarely felt inadequate, not that I don't have inadequacies, but that I have never faced parenting alone. Your mother and I have always faced it together, and we have always relied on the Lord. We have always sought him in prayer, and have never felt that we were alone in this business.
Of course there have been challenging situations, and there have been times that I was worried that I might lose one of my children. There have been times when I have hung on like death to a child that I thought I might lose. I won't name names, but this has been most of you. There have been times when I knew that I must wield the sword of truth in defense of my family, so to speak. I know that Satan has done his worst to trip me up, and finding that he could not do that he has tried to take my children from me. Gratefully each of you has chosen the light of the gospel over the darkness of his promises.
Mom and I have taken your names to the temple on many occasions. There is great hope and comfort in having the temple as a source of power where children are concerned.
There are some fundamentals of parenting that I can recommend that will give you the faith and hope that you will need when the time of trial comes to your children. First, keep the Sabbath Day holy. Don't skimp on this commandment. It can become difficult when your children don't want to go, but it will be easier to keep your children coming to church if you haven't cut corners on this commandment. Teach your children the why. We do not attend church because that is where we learn; the learning is a promised blessing, but it is not the reason. We certainly don't attend so that we can appear to be holy. The only valid reason for church attendance that will have the power to hold your children when Satan is tugging at them is, "We attend church to worship our Heavenly Father and to show him that we love him more than any of the other things that we might do on that day." This understanding and faithful keeping of this commandment will be a protection to you little ones.
Second, pay an honest tithe and involve the family in the payment of the tithes and to a degree the keeping of the family budget. Here is the understanding of the commandment. We often teach in the church that God gives us everything we have and asks us to return to him 10% for the operation and business of the Church. That is only partly true and can lead to gross misunderstandings. It is important for children to learn that God gives us everything we have and asks that we return 10% to the Church for the leadership of the Church to use as directed by God for the building up of his kingdom on the earth, and he leaves the other 90% for us to use as we see fit for the building up of his kingdom on the earth. Family council might, from time to time, involve a discussion of what the family can do to use its resources in building up the kingdom of God. Since each of you married children have been to the temple, you understand the covenants involved with this understanding. The Lord does not ask for 10%, he asks for all. His servants decide how the 10% will be used and we decide how the 90% will be used. We will be held accountable for that stewardship. Bring your children to tithing settlement. If there is ever a question of whether or not to pay tithing, involve the children in the decision. Make sure that your children have opportunities to earn money and to pay tithes.
Third, if you can find the strength to do it, never go to bed until your teenaged (or any other aged) children are home, safe, and know that they are loved. This is particularly hard for me now, with Jacob because I am old and have a harder time skipping sleep hours. But, when your children know that you will be waiting and watching for them, they will know that they are important to you and that they will be held accountable for their behavior. This plan will help create the feeling of home as a haven from the trouble in the world.
Fourth, be watchful of those with whom your children come in contact. One of the things that is most frightening to me (in hindsight--that I did not know of when it was happening) was the times when my children were subject to molestation. This can come from anywhere: a cousin, an uncle, a friend who is being molested, a sibling who has been molested. Satan cannot tempt little children, but he can get at them through older individuals in the environment who are under his influence. Teach your sons to never engage in molestation. Teach your children that they can come to you if it ever happens to them. Because I was seen by my children as stern, they did not come to me in the moment when they needed my help the most. Stern is good, but it is never healthy for a child to fear coming to a parent when they have been subject to molestation of any degree.
Fifth, have fun. Family fun and memories are the reason we do all of these things. I remember just about every family trip we ever went on beginning with Mother being bent out of shape beyond recognition over trivial things. I realize that her attention to details meant that we had what we needed, and that things were done in order, but sometimes I had to stop to remind her and to remind myself that the reason we were going on the trip was to have a great time that everyone would remember. I think that overall Mother and I were successful in this. We had some great family bonding times. I am most grateful for the year that we spent our vacation money on camping equipment and went up into the mountains together. My overall feeling when I think of the early days of our marriage was that these were times of incredible joy. I remember that each experience was not joyful, but those things have faded from my memory. I remember with intense emotion the love we had, and the fun we had together.
Well, this isn't much about being scared. It is mostly about why I wasn't scared as a parent. The major reason that I wasn't scared as a parent is that each of you is such a wonderful child. Each of you decided early to follow the Lords plan of happiness. And we have been wonderfully happy with the kind of joy that the troubles of earth life cannot take away.
Of course there have been challenging situations, and there have been times that I was worried that I might lose one of my children. There have been times when I have hung on like death to a child that I thought I might lose. I won't name names, but this has been most of you. There have been times when I knew that I must wield the sword of truth in defense of my family, so to speak. I know that Satan has done his worst to trip me up, and finding that he could not do that he has tried to take my children from me. Gratefully each of you has chosen the light of the gospel over the darkness of his promises.
Mom and I have taken your names to the temple on many occasions. There is great hope and comfort in having the temple as a source of power where children are concerned.
There are some fundamentals of parenting that I can recommend that will give you the faith and hope that you will need when the time of trial comes to your children. First, keep the Sabbath Day holy. Don't skimp on this commandment. It can become difficult when your children don't want to go, but it will be easier to keep your children coming to church if you haven't cut corners on this commandment. Teach your children the why. We do not attend church because that is where we learn; the learning is a promised blessing, but it is not the reason. We certainly don't attend so that we can appear to be holy. The only valid reason for church attendance that will have the power to hold your children when Satan is tugging at them is, "We attend church to worship our Heavenly Father and to show him that we love him more than any of the other things that we might do on that day." This understanding and faithful keeping of this commandment will be a protection to you little ones.
Second, pay an honest tithe and involve the family in the payment of the tithes and to a degree the keeping of the family budget. Here is the understanding of the commandment. We often teach in the church that God gives us everything we have and asks us to return to him 10% for the operation and business of the Church. That is only partly true and can lead to gross misunderstandings. It is important for children to learn that God gives us everything we have and asks that we return 10% to the Church for the leadership of the Church to use as directed by God for the building up of his kingdom on the earth, and he leaves the other 90% for us to use as we see fit for the building up of his kingdom on the earth. Family council might, from time to time, involve a discussion of what the family can do to use its resources in building up the kingdom of God. Since each of you married children have been to the temple, you understand the covenants involved with this understanding. The Lord does not ask for 10%, he asks for all. His servants decide how the 10% will be used and we decide how the 90% will be used. We will be held accountable for that stewardship. Bring your children to tithing settlement. If there is ever a question of whether or not to pay tithing, involve the children in the decision. Make sure that your children have opportunities to earn money and to pay tithes.
Third, if you can find the strength to do it, never go to bed until your teenaged (or any other aged) children are home, safe, and know that they are loved. This is particularly hard for me now, with Jacob because I am old and have a harder time skipping sleep hours. But, when your children know that you will be waiting and watching for them, they will know that they are important to you and that they will be held accountable for their behavior. This plan will help create the feeling of home as a haven from the trouble in the world.
Fourth, be watchful of those with whom your children come in contact. One of the things that is most frightening to me (in hindsight--that I did not know of when it was happening) was the times when my children were subject to molestation. This can come from anywhere: a cousin, an uncle, a friend who is being molested, a sibling who has been molested. Satan cannot tempt little children, but he can get at them through older individuals in the environment who are under his influence. Teach your sons to never engage in molestation. Teach your children that they can come to you if it ever happens to them. Because I was seen by my children as stern, they did not come to me in the moment when they needed my help the most. Stern is good, but it is never healthy for a child to fear coming to a parent when they have been subject to molestation of any degree.
Fifth, have fun. Family fun and memories are the reason we do all of these things. I remember just about every family trip we ever went on beginning with Mother being bent out of shape beyond recognition over trivial things. I realize that her attention to details meant that we had what we needed, and that things were done in order, but sometimes I had to stop to remind her and to remind myself that the reason we were going on the trip was to have a great time that everyone would remember. I think that overall Mother and I were successful in this. We had some great family bonding times. I am most grateful for the year that we spent our vacation money on camping equipment and went up into the mountains together. My overall feeling when I think of the early days of our marriage was that these were times of incredible joy. I remember that each experience was not joyful, but those things have faded from my memory. I remember with intense emotion the love we had, and the fun we had together.
Well, this isn't much about being scared. It is mostly about why I wasn't scared as a parent. The major reason that I wasn't scared as a parent is that each of you is such a wonderful child. Each of you decided early to follow the Lords plan of happiness. And we have been wonderfully happy with the kind of joy that the troubles of earth life cannot take away.
Sunday, November 19, 2017
What do I remember about when each of you were born? (Jacob)
If I remember more about Jacob's birth it is that I have had less time to forget. By comparison, it wasn't so long ago. (Not meaning that you all are getting old, but that I am.)
When we lived in Pleasant Grove, one of my callings in the ward was Ward Mission Leader. One of my duties was to teach the Temple Preparation class. Some of the students in that class were young couples who for whatever reason had not yet been to the temple. When graduates of the class went to the temple for their first visit, we liked to go with them. So it was on one of these occasions that Mom and I were asked to be the witness couple. In the prayer circle, Mom felt the Spirit tell her that she was to have another baby. As I have mentioned, when Emily was born, Mother had her tubes tied. When we passed into the Celestial Room, Mother was crying and asked me to tell her that she was crazy. I told her that I already knew that and asked what was the matter. She told me of the impression that she had while in the prayer circle. I told her that I had felt that we were to have another child for some time but had keep it to myself because I believed what her Bishop had told us when we were engaged. At that time he had counseled me that Jodi would know when it was time for us to have another child. He was right.
Mom would have to have a tubal reanastomosis. Insurance will not pay for this kind of elective surgery and the cost would be $6000. We didn't have that kind of money. I had recently left SILO to work for RC Willey. SILO went out of business, and owed its employees money set aside for retirement. I had the option to take a lump sum payment (for which I would owe taxes) or to reinvest the money in an individual retirement account, IRA. I took the lump sum because, after the tax we had exactly $6000. Nephi is right: the Lord will help us to do what he has asked us to do.
All of this took place before I decided to go back to school to become a teacher. It would be about six years before Jacob would be born.
Mom spent the day in the hospital recovering from the surgery. I visited her room at the Utah Valley Regional Medical Center. She looked weaker and more frail than I have ever seen her and felt a thrill of fear run through me. I knew what Grandma and Grandpa Brown would want to do to me if they could see her in that condition.
Then we waited. After four years we began to wonder if we were sure about what we had felt in the temple. Those moments of doubt are real and natural. Knowing that things happen in the Lord's time is an important gift. We didn't give up hope. It wasn't long after we had moved to Scott City that we learned that Mother was expecting. I have often thought about that. Had Jacob been born in Pleasant Grove, we might have not made the move to Western Kansas. Another thought is that because we were willing to follow the Lord's prompting to move, we were blessed with the thing we desired. What I can say for certain is that the experiences of my life can be explained in no other way than that there is a God in heaven who knows his children and who gives direction through the still, small voice of his Spirit. Learning to hear and to follow that Spirit is perhaps the thing that will bless our lives more than anything else.
So, it was in September of my second year teaching that Jacob was born on Thursday, the 6th. When Jacob was born he inhaled some of the amniotic fluid. The possibility that this might cause pneumonia meant that Jake would spend his first week or so of life in an incubator in the NICU of the Garden City, Hospital.
We were worried about him, though I believed that everything would be all right. Still, I asked Adam to come with me to the hospital to give Jacob a blessing. He had not yet been given a name, and we needed one to use when giving the blessing. Although we would have the official name and blessing ordinance at the church, we needed to decide what name we would use.
Mom and I had originally decided on James, after Captain James Brown. Grandpa Brown liked the idea that one of his would have a family name. But one day in Sunday School, we were reading about Jacob from the Book of Mormon. In particular Lehi's reference to his son as "my firstborn in the wilderness," struck me and I expressed the idea to Mom. Mom came with Adam and me when we gave the blessing and she expressed no preference on the name. I didn't want to force my choice on the matter, so I proposed that we toss a coin. Heads for James, tails for Jacob. Tails it was. So when we gave the little boy a priesthood blessing we used the name, Jacob Brown Bennion. Later in church he would be given that name officially on the records of the church.
On Tuesday, 11 Sept, I stopped by the school to check on my substitute and to see that the lesson plans were in order. While I was visiting the office a breaking news story was talking about an airliner that had crashed into one of the New York twin towers. The cameras were focused on the hole in the building and the smoke billowing from it. Then the camera caught sight of a second airliner coming toward the buildings. When it struck, it was apparent that this was no accident, but a definite terrorist attack, and that it was a massive coordinated attack.
I drove to the hospital and brought Mom home. Jacob had to stay a little longer. The night that we brought Jacob home he woke us in the middle of the night, as babies do. At that moment I realized the severity of what we had done. Emily, the youngest of you, was eleven years old. All of you could feed yourselves, dress yourselves, get yourselves to the bathroom, and sleep through the night. Now we would have to begin this thing all over again. But we soon got used to the routines of parenthood.
As a boy I had read the stories of Wilford Woodruff's childhood, and how many brushes with death he had. So, I wasn't surprised when Jacob's guardian angels were put to the test. We had one of those walkers that a pre walking child can scoot around in. Jacob loved it. But there was a staircase around the corner at the end of the kitchen. The door to that staircase had been left open and Jacob found it. Leaning over to see down the stairs caused the walker to start to tumble. Jacob was lifeless when Mom got to him.
In a panic, Mom called Bishop Cockerill who came and checked Jake. He was OK, but bruised black and blue. He was always a very bright baby, but for the next three days he was slow in response, and seemed to be in a real cloud. I was afraid of what brain damage there might be. Luckily the infant brain is much more resilient than the adult brain. The infant brain actually goes through a cycle of getting rid of unused or unneeded brain cells. In other words, the infant brains sculpts itself to its environment. Jacob was young enough that he was still growing brain cells, and so he came out of the trauma in excellent shape. We were blessed.
After moving to Shallow Water, Jacob had another brush with death. He had learned how to open the gate and so, on a winter day he escaped and went exploring. The neighbors who were playing cards heard what sounded like a cat fight out in the yard. On investigation, they found Jacob on his back in their little duck pond. He was soaked, cold, and frightened.
I have often pondered about that experience. A little boy leaning over a pond is more likely to fall in face first. Had this happened, the neighbors would have never heard his cries. It scares me still to think of it. He must have turned from the bank of the pond to climb up from its brink and then fallen backwards into it. I have no doubt that his guardian angels were on hand.
I know that the Lord has something special for Jacob to do. The most important thing he will do is to be a husband and a father.
When Jacob was still young, Mother and I went on a trip with some students to Italy. Jacob had serious separation anxiety, so we didn't tell him what was about to happen. Emily had gone ahead to Missouri (I think there was a reunion or something going on.) We stopped at Aunt Jeanne's and left Jacob there while we went to the airport in Wichita. Aunt Jeanne took Jacob to Missouri where he was watched by Emily. He would be left behind in a couple more years when Emily went with Mother and I to London and Paris. Living in Shallow Water where he had few friends, plus these times that we left him behind gave Jacob a strong case of separation anxiety.
Because I am older, and now dealing with cancer, I can't do the things with a boy that I used to do. When I would come home after school I would be so tired that I had little energy. Jacob would be excited to see me. So we would play a game of Good Guys and Bad Guys on the bed. I would lie down and Jacob would pretend to be Spiderman and web me up. I would wrestle with him and basically sit on him while he squirmed to get loose. I would pretend to be the bad guy and call "Bad Guy Central" calling for back up. "I've got Spiderman all tied up, but I don't know how long I can hold him. Send back up quick!" Jacob would eventually squirm loose and then we would wrestle some more. It was great fun, and allowed me to relax a little.
Jacob started to watch movies at a young age. In Shallow Water, he watched Tarzan and would try to act out the part. Jumanji was another favorite. He became enamored with dice, which he called "Jumanji" and carried with him wherever we went.
Then it was Spiderman. By this time he was developing his physical skills and would bounce around the place while watching he movie, trying to mimic every move the hero made. We got Spiderman outfits which fed this fascination.
Jacob is one of the youngest back packers I have ever known. All of you went backpacking with me at young ages, but Jacob was only three when we kicked into the Big Sandy. He was very much into his Spiderman phase at this time and was always sticking Spiderman poses. On the first day I noticed that Jake was starting to act a little different--cranky, so to speak. Finally I realized that he needed to poop, but didn't know what, how, or when. We had potty trained him too well. So we made a search for a rock, not to big, but not too small--the perfect Goldilocks rock. And the rock must have a split down the middle just wide enough to be a latrine. We found one, and it took just a little convincing for Jacob to adopt his "potty rock."
He was a great little hiker carrying his own pack with his clothes and his sleeping bag. We should go back there. It is a hike that I should be able to make if we took it in two days.
Currently Jacob is developing as a runner. I have to apologize for being too busy when others of you were runners. I did not make it to many of your events. In Jacob's case I can't bear to miss an event. Perhaps it is because I know that I won't get the chance ever again to go to one of my children's sporting events. And perhaps it's because I have a simpler life now and can make it to the events. When I was a boy my parents didn't come to any of the track meets that I ran in or wrestling matches that I competed in. And for you older children, I was the same. I remember attending a couple of Cross Country meets for John and Jeannette.
Initially, Jacob just wanted to beat his cousin, Duke. He has a competitive streak. But when I would prompt Jacob about taking first place, he responded that he just wanted to run for the fun of it. I told him that one day he would discover how much more fun it is to win.
At the beginning of his Freshman year, Jacob ran with the JV team and took 2nd place in a race at Monett. Jacob asked me if I thought that he should run on the varsity team. I asked him what effect he thought that would have on the team. He said that he would try harder trying to beat the older boys. I asked how he thought the older boys would react to that. He said that they would run harder trying not to be beaten by the Freshman. I said, "I guess that you aught to run varsity, then."
During the last two years Jacob has begun to see his potential. This coming year will be different in that the older boys that he was trying to beat will almost all be graduated. Now there will be younger runners who are trying to beat him. There are a couple of fine younger runners that will make next year very interesting.
I have had a constant desire to push Jacob to do more and to develop faster. I have tried to calm that desire, though I'm not very effective at that. I think that kids have to participate for their own reasons. I know that one of Jacob's reasons is that he wants to please his dad. But I don't want that to be "the" reason. I haven't had to pressure Jake to do better. But I do help him keep his focus and give him positive encouragement.
Enjoy your children as much as you can. Don't think that you will get a chance to do it later. Mom and I are lucky to have a second chance at parenting. You got a younger, more energetic set of parents, but parents who were inexperienced and who made plenty of parenting mistakes. Jacob has older parents who are tired and worn out, but who are more experienced. Each of you is a treasure, a pearl of great price for whom Mom and I would pay everything to have. We have paid everything we have. You are our only treasure and our only legacy. We count ourselves rich beyond measure because we have children who are raising their children in the gospel. Out of my posterity the Lord will raise up great mothers and fathers in Zion. The harvest will be immeasurable.
When we lived in Pleasant Grove, one of my callings in the ward was Ward Mission Leader. One of my duties was to teach the Temple Preparation class. Some of the students in that class were young couples who for whatever reason had not yet been to the temple. When graduates of the class went to the temple for their first visit, we liked to go with them. So it was on one of these occasions that Mom and I were asked to be the witness couple. In the prayer circle, Mom felt the Spirit tell her that she was to have another baby. As I have mentioned, when Emily was born, Mother had her tubes tied. When we passed into the Celestial Room, Mother was crying and asked me to tell her that she was crazy. I told her that I already knew that and asked what was the matter. She told me of the impression that she had while in the prayer circle. I told her that I had felt that we were to have another child for some time but had keep it to myself because I believed what her Bishop had told us when we were engaged. At that time he had counseled me that Jodi would know when it was time for us to have another child. He was right.
Mom would have to have a tubal reanastomosis. Insurance will not pay for this kind of elective surgery and the cost would be $6000. We didn't have that kind of money. I had recently left SILO to work for RC Willey. SILO went out of business, and owed its employees money set aside for retirement. I had the option to take a lump sum payment (for which I would owe taxes) or to reinvest the money in an individual retirement account, IRA. I took the lump sum because, after the tax we had exactly $6000. Nephi is right: the Lord will help us to do what he has asked us to do.
All of this took place before I decided to go back to school to become a teacher. It would be about six years before Jacob would be born.
Mom spent the day in the hospital recovering from the surgery. I visited her room at the Utah Valley Regional Medical Center. She looked weaker and more frail than I have ever seen her and felt a thrill of fear run through me. I knew what Grandma and Grandpa Brown would want to do to me if they could see her in that condition.
Then we waited. After four years we began to wonder if we were sure about what we had felt in the temple. Those moments of doubt are real and natural. Knowing that things happen in the Lord's time is an important gift. We didn't give up hope. It wasn't long after we had moved to Scott City that we learned that Mother was expecting. I have often thought about that. Had Jacob been born in Pleasant Grove, we might have not made the move to Western Kansas. Another thought is that because we were willing to follow the Lord's prompting to move, we were blessed with the thing we desired. What I can say for certain is that the experiences of my life can be explained in no other way than that there is a God in heaven who knows his children and who gives direction through the still, small voice of his Spirit. Learning to hear and to follow that Spirit is perhaps the thing that will bless our lives more than anything else.
So, it was in September of my second year teaching that Jacob was born on Thursday, the 6th. When Jacob was born he inhaled some of the amniotic fluid. The possibility that this might cause pneumonia meant that Jake would spend his first week or so of life in an incubator in the NICU of the Garden City, Hospital.
We were worried about him, though I believed that everything would be all right. Still, I asked Adam to come with me to the hospital to give Jacob a blessing. He had not yet been given a name, and we needed one to use when giving the blessing. Although we would have the official name and blessing ordinance at the church, we needed to decide what name we would use.
Mom and I had originally decided on James, after Captain James Brown. Grandpa Brown liked the idea that one of his would have a family name. But one day in Sunday School, we were reading about Jacob from the Book of Mormon. In particular Lehi's reference to his son as "my firstborn in the wilderness," struck me and I expressed the idea to Mom. Mom came with Adam and me when we gave the blessing and she expressed no preference on the name. I didn't want to force my choice on the matter, so I proposed that we toss a coin. Heads for James, tails for Jacob. Tails it was. So when we gave the little boy a priesthood blessing we used the name, Jacob Brown Bennion. Later in church he would be given that name officially on the records of the church.
On Tuesday, 11 Sept, I stopped by the school to check on my substitute and to see that the lesson plans were in order. While I was visiting the office a breaking news story was talking about an airliner that had crashed into one of the New York twin towers. The cameras were focused on the hole in the building and the smoke billowing from it. Then the camera caught sight of a second airliner coming toward the buildings. When it struck, it was apparent that this was no accident, but a definite terrorist attack, and that it was a massive coordinated attack.
I drove to the hospital and brought Mom home. Jacob had to stay a little longer. The night that we brought Jacob home he woke us in the middle of the night, as babies do. At that moment I realized the severity of what we had done. Emily, the youngest of you, was eleven years old. All of you could feed yourselves, dress yourselves, get yourselves to the bathroom, and sleep through the night. Now we would have to begin this thing all over again. But we soon got used to the routines of parenthood.
As a boy I had read the stories of Wilford Woodruff's childhood, and how many brushes with death he had. So, I wasn't surprised when Jacob's guardian angels were put to the test. We had one of those walkers that a pre walking child can scoot around in. Jacob loved it. But there was a staircase around the corner at the end of the kitchen. The door to that staircase had been left open and Jacob found it. Leaning over to see down the stairs caused the walker to start to tumble. Jacob was lifeless when Mom got to him.
In a panic, Mom called Bishop Cockerill who came and checked Jake. He was OK, but bruised black and blue. He was always a very bright baby, but for the next three days he was slow in response, and seemed to be in a real cloud. I was afraid of what brain damage there might be. Luckily the infant brain is much more resilient than the adult brain. The infant brain actually goes through a cycle of getting rid of unused or unneeded brain cells. In other words, the infant brains sculpts itself to its environment. Jacob was young enough that he was still growing brain cells, and so he came out of the trauma in excellent shape. We were blessed.
After moving to Shallow Water, Jacob had another brush with death. He had learned how to open the gate and so, on a winter day he escaped and went exploring. The neighbors who were playing cards heard what sounded like a cat fight out in the yard. On investigation, they found Jacob on his back in their little duck pond. He was soaked, cold, and frightened.
I have often pondered about that experience. A little boy leaning over a pond is more likely to fall in face first. Had this happened, the neighbors would have never heard his cries. It scares me still to think of it. He must have turned from the bank of the pond to climb up from its brink and then fallen backwards into it. I have no doubt that his guardian angels were on hand.
I know that the Lord has something special for Jacob to do. The most important thing he will do is to be a husband and a father.
When Jacob was still young, Mother and I went on a trip with some students to Italy. Jacob had serious separation anxiety, so we didn't tell him what was about to happen. Emily had gone ahead to Missouri (I think there was a reunion or something going on.) We stopped at Aunt Jeanne's and left Jacob there while we went to the airport in Wichita. Aunt Jeanne took Jacob to Missouri where he was watched by Emily. He would be left behind in a couple more years when Emily went with Mother and I to London and Paris. Living in Shallow Water where he had few friends, plus these times that we left him behind gave Jacob a strong case of separation anxiety.
Because I am older, and now dealing with cancer, I can't do the things with a boy that I used to do. When I would come home after school I would be so tired that I had little energy. Jacob would be excited to see me. So we would play a game of Good Guys and Bad Guys on the bed. I would lie down and Jacob would pretend to be Spiderman and web me up. I would wrestle with him and basically sit on him while he squirmed to get loose. I would pretend to be the bad guy and call "Bad Guy Central" calling for back up. "I've got Spiderman all tied up, but I don't know how long I can hold him. Send back up quick!" Jacob would eventually squirm loose and then we would wrestle some more. It was great fun, and allowed me to relax a little.
Jacob started to watch movies at a young age. In Shallow Water, he watched Tarzan and would try to act out the part. Jumanji was another favorite. He became enamored with dice, which he called "Jumanji" and carried with him wherever we went.
Then it was Spiderman. By this time he was developing his physical skills and would bounce around the place while watching he movie, trying to mimic every move the hero made. We got Spiderman outfits which fed this fascination.
Jacob is one of the youngest back packers I have ever known. All of you went backpacking with me at young ages, but Jacob was only three when we kicked into the Big Sandy. He was very much into his Spiderman phase at this time and was always sticking Spiderman poses. On the first day I noticed that Jake was starting to act a little different--cranky, so to speak. Finally I realized that he needed to poop, but didn't know what, how, or when. We had potty trained him too well. So we made a search for a rock, not to big, but not too small--the perfect Goldilocks rock. And the rock must have a split down the middle just wide enough to be a latrine. We found one, and it took just a little convincing for Jacob to adopt his "potty rock."
He was a great little hiker carrying his own pack with his clothes and his sleeping bag. We should go back there. It is a hike that I should be able to make if we took it in two days.
Currently Jacob is developing as a runner. I have to apologize for being too busy when others of you were runners. I did not make it to many of your events. In Jacob's case I can't bear to miss an event. Perhaps it is because I know that I won't get the chance ever again to go to one of my children's sporting events. And perhaps it's because I have a simpler life now and can make it to the events. When I was a boy my parents didn't come to any of the track meets that I ran in or wrestling matches that I competed in. And for you older children, I was the same. I remember attending a couple of Cross Country meets for John and Jeannette.
Initially, Jacob just wanted to beat his cousin, Duke. He has a competitive streak. But when I would prompt Jacob about taking first place, he responded that he just wanted to run for the fun of it. I told him that one day he would discover how much more fun it is to win.
At the beginning of his Freshman year, Jacob ran with the JV team and took 2nd place in a race at Monett. Jacob asked me if I thought that he should run on the varsity team. I asked him what effect he thought that would have on the team. He said that he would try harder trying to beat the older boys. I asked how he thought the older boys would react to that. He said that they would run harder trying not to be beaten by the Freshman. I said, "I guess that you aught to run varsity, then."
During the last two years Jacob has begun to see his potential. This coming year will be different in that the older boys that he was trying to beat will almost all be graduated. Now there will be younger runners who are trying to beat him. There are a couple of fine younger runners that will make next year very interesting.
I have had a constant desire to push Jacob to do more and to develop faster. I have tried to calm that desire, though I'm not very effective at that. I think that kids have to participate for their own reasons. I know that one of Jacob's reasons is that he wants to please his dad. But I don't want that to be "the" reason. I haven't had to pressure Jake to do better. But I do help him keep his focus and give him positive encouragement.
Enjoy your children as much as you can. Don't think that you will get a chance to do it later. Mom and I are lucky to have a second chance at parenting. You got a younger, more energetic set of parents, but parents who were inexperienced and who made plenty of parenting mistakes. Jacob has older parents who are tired and worn out, but who are more experienced. Each of you is a treasure, a pearl of great price for whom Mom and I would pay everything to have. We have paid everything we have. You are our only treasure and our only legacy. We count ourselves rich beyond measure because we have children who are raising their children in the gospel. Out of my posterity the Lord will raise up great mothers and fathers in Zion. The harvest will be immeasurable.
Sunday, November 12, 2017
What do I remember about when each of you were born? (Emily)
Of course, Mom and I new that Emily's birth would be very close to Christmas. I thought that it would be great to share a birthday with one of my children, but realistically, I knew that the only way Emily would be born on Christmas would be if there were an emergency. So we planned the C-section for the 26th. I can't remember new if the 24th had been an option, but in hind sight, I would have chosen that day. The 24th is Christmas Eve, and the night before Christmas when all through the house.... You know the story. But the 26th is Boxing Day?!? Really? It's too big of a let down.
While Mom was in the hospital recuperating, BYU had a bowl game against Pitt State. It was a very high scoring game--each team scoring about 50 points. And the game was very close--wasn't decided until the very end. I believe that BYU lost. But what I really remember was the woman in the room next to ours banging on the wall and asking me to hold it down. What!! It was a BYU bowl game. I was at the Utah Valley Regional Medical Center in Provo, Utah. This was Cougarville. But I turned down the volume and quit shouting at the refs.
Little children's personalities show though very early. I knew that Emily was going to be different than Jeannette from the start. Jen is much more like Mom and Mom's family. Emily is very much like my sisters.
Jeannette and Emily were closer in age than Mom and I would have planned. Mom was getting some pressure from her family to have her tubes tied, and I was worried about Mom's ability to handle the stress of four children with the two youngest so close in age. I was opposed to the idea of having Mom's tubes tied, because I felt that we would have more children, but Mom's doctor assured us that the process was reversible. So, I didn't argue about it. Mom sometimes feels that she should not have agreed to the operation--that she knew that we were to have more children.
As I mentioned in another post, when Mother and I were engaged, her bishop told me that Mom would know when it was time for her to have children. I trusted in that council and we had the operation. So, Emily came close to being our last.
Emily was the most cheerful little thing. She always had a great smile and she loved to laugh this uncontrolled, turn-it-all-loose laugh. She has toned down a bit since then, but only a little.
Mom liked to get matching dresses for Jeannette and Emily, so in many of their early pictures they will be wearing matching red or blue dresses.
When she was little Emily was the most obedient child. She would do whatever Mom or I asked her to do--right up until she read the book, Ella Enchanted. That book is a curse. Don't let it near your children. Reading the book taught Emily how to say "No," and she's been her own boss ever since.
Emily was the slowest of all of our children at language acquisition. She communicated a lot with sounds and gestures. When she was about eleven I finally decided to insist that she speak in complete sentences. Once I set that expectation Emily's spoken language improved immensely. Prior to that I was surprise at how much she could communicate without sentences.
When Emily was about four years old (we were still living in Pleasant Grove) we almost lost her. We had a metal frame bunkbed that she and Jeannette shared. Someone had decided to string some ribbons and ropes through the springs under the top bunk. Emily had decided to try and crawl up into the ropes and ribbons. Somehow she slipped and in falling out of the mess she was caught around the neck and was choking. Grandpa Brown was visiting--it must have been Christmas or maybe Easter. But he found Emily and saved her life. After that we removed all of the ropes and ribbons.
Emily used to help me in the garden. This must have been at Shallow Water. We didn't have a garden in Scott City, and in Pleasant Grove, Emily was probably too young. We didn't have much of a garden in Shallow Water, but we did have a small one. I don't remember growing much, and the shade from the Elm trees didn't allow the garden to thrive much.
One of my favorite memories is the trip that Emily made with Mom and I to Paris and London. We made and sold cookies and pies to raise the money. And we had a great time. The best time was our first morning. We were all jet lagged from trying to stay up for a Shakespeare play the night before, so Emily and Sierra (who had gotten up and then went back to bed) missed the tour bus. I took the two girls on an unplanned tour of down town London which included a stop at the world's largest toy store. The adventure concluded when we met Mom and the tour for lunch and then went to the London Tower.
Sunday, November 5, 2017
What do you remember about when each of us was born? (Jeannette)
I remember a little more of Jeannette's actual birth because I brought a video camera to the delivery. The doctor was kind enough to allow it. It was difficult for me to to the video taping because the sight of blood makes me very squeamish. I turned seven shades of green and on a couple of occasions during the delivery one of the nurses asked if I was going to be OK. The last thing that a delivery team, especially a C-section delivery, needs is a passed out husband on the floor, or worse, vomit from a weak stomached one. I held onto my cookies and kept my feet under me, though at some point a nurse might have insisted that I sit down.
An I-V was connected to mother's right wrist, but it wasn't drawing well, so the team connected a second I-V to her left wrist. So, as mother was being cut open, she lay on the delivery bed with each arm strapped to a board and a needle stuck in each wrist. The symbolism of the crucifixion was evident to me. I tend to see symbols in many things. But in this case it was particularly poignant.
We had a new doctor for Jeannette. I don't remember his name, but he would deliver Emily also, and then perform for us the tubal reenastimosis so that we could have Jacob. This doctor worked out of an office near the Utah Valley Regional Medical Center in Provo, Ut. So Jen was born in Provo in the same hospital as Adam, only by now the rooms were painted with pleasing colors and decorated like a room in an upscale home. Everything was like having a home delivery--except for the woman screaming bloody murder down the hall. Home was sometimes cacophonous, but not like that.
Because Jen was born in the Summer, I didn't have to worry about time off of work as much as I did with John. Retail sales in June are not particularly brisk. In 1988 I was still working for SILO in Orem. We had moved into our home in Pleasant Grove, so Jen came home to that house.
For the first few weeks Jen would have slept in the bed of a stroller that we got when Adam was born. We were probably still using the stroller, though we would eventually get rid of it, though we kept the bed for some time. The seat would fold down and the bed could be placed under the stroller's canopy. We could remove the bed and use it as a bassinet.
We had a crib set up against the east wall in what was later my study. I had a boom box that I got at SILO on which I would play classical music to help you children sleep. It was pretty effective.
We had an old wind-up mechanical swing that we would put Jen in. Unlike the battery operated swing that we later purchased, this one would only work for a few minutes before baby would be sitting still, would wake up, and begin to cry. So, Mom eventually insisted that we quit being so cheap and get her a battery operated model.
Jen had no hair for the longest time. Mother had little elastic bands that looked like garters to me, with flowers attached to look like a hair ribbon.
AS mentioned earlier, we had our video camera by now and as a person will do with a new toy, I took a lot of videos of Jen. She was particularly cute when she would pout, so instead of picking her up to comfort her, I would grab the video camera. Shame on me.
Maybe this is why Jen became a particularly stormy child. Just kidding. Jen was strong willed and children usually use crying to get what they want, so being strong willed, Jen did a lot of crying and complaining. I knew that we would have to help her with this or teen life would be unbearable. So, I took to calling Jen my little sunshine, which she loved, and grew to fit the name.
We had been in the habit of going for bike rides with the boys since I often had the mornings off. I built a seat out of pine which I attached to the back rack of my bike. I would tie Jen into this seat when we would go for a bike ride. Before the bike seat was built I took Jen in a little baby backpack. I think back on how dangerous each of these options were. But I was young and strong and convinced that no harm could come if I were careful, and none did.
Enjoy the time with your little ones. I know that it is hard work, and often stressful, but trust me, it will be perhaps the sweetest time of your lives--until you get grandkids.
An I-V was connected to mother's right wrist, but it wasn't drawing well, so the team connected a second I-V to her left wrist. So, as mother was being cut open, she lay on the delivery bed with each arm strapped to a board and a needle stuck in each wrist. The symbolism of the crucifixion was evident to me. I tend to see symbols in many things. But in this case it was particularly poignant.
We had a new doctor for Jeannette. I don't remember his name, but he would deliver Emily also, and then perform for us the tubal reenastimosis so that we could have Jacob. This doctor worked out of an office near the Utah Valley Regional Medical Center in Provo, Ut. So Jen was born in Provo in the same hospital as Adam, only by now the rooms were painted with pleasing colors and decorated like a room in an upscale home. Everything was like having a home delivery--except for the woman screaming bloody murder down the hall. Home was sometimes cacophonous, but not like that.
Because Jen was born in the Summer, I didn't have to worry about time off of work as much as I did with John. Retail sales in June are not particularly brisk. In 1988 I was still working for SILO in Orem. We had moved into our home in Pleasant Grove, so Jen came home to that house.
For the first few weeks Jen would have slept in the bed of a stroller that we got when Adam was born. We were probably still using the stroller, though we would eventually get rid of it, though we kept the bed for some time. The seat would fold down and the bed could be placed under the stroller's canopy. We could remove the bed and use it as a bassinet.
We had a crib set up against the east wall in what was later my study. I had a boom box that I got at SILO on which I would play classical music to help you children sleep. It was pretty effective.
We had an old wind-up mechanical swing that we would put Jen in. Unlike the battery operated swing that we later purchased, this one would only work for a few minutes before baby would be sitting still, would wake up, and begin to cry. So, Mom eventually insisted that we quit being so cheap and get her a battery operated model.
Jen had no hair for the longest time. Mother had little elastic bands that looked like garters to me, with flowers attached to look like a hair ribbon.
AS mentioned earlier, we had our video camera by now and as a person will do with a new toy, I took a lot of videos of Jen. She was particularly cute when she would pout, so instead of picking her up to comfort her, I would grab the video camera. Shame on me.
Maybe this is why Jen became a particularly stormy child. Just kidding. Jen was strong willed and children usually use crying to get what they want, so being strong willed, Jen did a lot of crying and complaining. I knew that we would have to help her with this or teen life would be unbearable. So, I took to calling Jen my little sunshine, which she loved, and grew to fit the name.
We had been in the habit of going for bike rides with the boys since I often had the mornings off. I built a seat out of pine which I attached to the back rack of my bike. I would tie Jen into this seat when we would go for a bike ride. Before the bike seat was built I took Jen in a little baby backpack. I think back on how dangerous each of these options were. But I was young and strong and convinced that no harm could come if I were careful, and none did.
Enjoy the time with your little ones. I know that it is hard work, and often stressful, but trust me, it will be perhaps the sweetest time of your lives--until you get grandkids.
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