What were the three best decisions you’ve ever made?

I don't remember ever making the first and most important decision, but I suppose that at some time I made the decision to be a follower of righteousness.  There were plenty of things in my young life that were out of sink with that decision, but every time the disparity between my actions and this choice became evident, I chose righteousness--repentance--and put my actions in line with my beliefs.  But there never was a time when I sat down and considered the choice.  Abraham says that he saw the happiness that there was to be had and because of that, chose to be a follower of righteousness.  I do believe that my pre-mortal choices play a part in this, and perhaps that why I can't remember when I made the choice.  I can't say that it was just in my nature to follow my parents' lead; I did plenty of rebelling.
   I can't remember a time when I didn't have a testimony of the gospel of Jesus Christ.  This was not a choice.  The testimony was given to me by my parents.  I have had thoughts that could be said to be doubts, but these thoughts were never strong.  I suppose it could be said that I chose to do the things that would strengthen my testimony: read the scriptures, study the gospel (independent of the normal Church institutions and auxiliaries), seek God in prayer, etc.
   I did make the conscious decision to receive my patriarchal blessing at age 15.  I had been taught about these blessings, but it wasn't at the urging of my parents or my teachers that I sought my patriarchal blessing.  I felt a deep need for it, a hunger.  I was shy about talking to my parents about spiritual matters--I don't know why--so it took a lot of inner struggle to get up the nerve to ask my mother how I would go about getting it.  That is the first real decision relative to the gospel that I can remember making.  I got the blessing because I wanted it.  It has proven to be incredibly important throughout my life and is still playing a lead role in decisions that I make today.

I decided at a young age that I would serve a mission.  As a boy I always expected that I would do this.  My brother Joe set the example as had my father and his father before.  I never doubted that I would serve a mission, nor did I ever struggle with the decision.  My patriarchal blessing indicated that I would serve a mission.  There was a time in my high school years when serving a mission came into question.  A girl that was in a serious relationship with me suggested that I should give up the idea of a mission.  I couldn't think of that and she eventually broke up with me.  I often think what a protection it was to me that I had the decision to serve a mission firmly in place.  It has made a powerful difference in my life.

I wanted to marry someone who had a desire to follow the Savior.  So, following my mission, this was the key thing that I looked for when I became interested in any young lady.  When I first became interested in your mother we sat in a parking lot near the Wilkinson Center following a fireside and I asked Mother about her dedication to follow the Savior.  She gave the right answers.  It was shortly after this that the Spirit began prompting me to ask her to marry me.  I hadn't yet "fallen in love" with her and told the Lord that if he wanted me to ask her to marry me that he would need to help with that first.  Within two weeks I fell hard and wouldn't let go.  It is interesting to me that my first criterion was that she have a desire to follow the Savior--not just a testimony of Him.  Falling in love was critical, but came second.

I guess you could say that these are three decisions, but I will include one more.  Your mother and I decided that we would have children and that we would not wait to have them although we were encouraged by family and by doctors that we should wait.  It would have been financially better for us to wait.  But money has never been our reason for doing anything--hence we have no money.  But we do have beautiful, talented, and righteous children.  I would not change the decision to have any of you.  I am glad that we didn't wait until we could better afford children.  I'm glad that we didn't wait until we were sure that our marriage would work.  (Mom and I are both strong willed and stubborn so there have been times that we have butted heads, but each of us is more dedicated to the marriage than we are to ourselves.  There has never really been a time that the marriage wasn't going to make it. But modern philosophy considers this a good reason to postpone children.)  We didn't postpone children so that we could travel and do things together.  What we wanted most was you.  We couldn't wait to hold you, to see you grow, to go camping and hiking together.  Life has given Mother and me exactly what we asked for: you.  And now we are getting the great bonus of grandchildren.

What do you believe people want the most in life?

I attended a fireside at which the speaker discussed "triple 'A' protection."  He was referring to three basic human needs that are often neglected: Acceptance, Approval, and Appreciation.  He explained that when we give these things to others they will usually give them in return.
   If you have studied Maslow's hierarchy of needs, these three related things fit into the "social needs" section of the pyramid.  Let me explain.  The most basic of human needs we call "survival needs."  These include air to breathe, food to eat, water to drink, and shelter from the storm.  If we are deprived of these things we lose the ability to care about anything else.  I suppose that one of the positive effects of our habit of fasting is that we learn to set aside survival needs while attempting to develop high needs--spiritual needs.
   The second level of Maslow's hierarchy (there is more than one model because he developed and changed his ideas over time) is called "security needs."  This involved knowing where your next meal is coming from, knowing that there is plenty of breathable air, knowing that you have a shelter from the storm.  Security also involves personal safety: knowing how to avoid the bully at school, or the abuse at home.  For example, the student who is worried about which route to take after school to avoid a bully--that student will not be able to pay much attention to the teacher's prepared lesson, unless the teacher's lesson discusses how to deal with bullies.
   When these lower level needs are met and security is not a worry, a person develops social needs.  This is where the triple A comes into play.  Most of us are functioning at the social needs level.

•    Acceptance: we want to belong.  
•    Approval: we want others to agree with our way of thinking.
•    Appreciation: we want others to be pleased with the things we do.

   

“I believe that appreciation is a holy thing--that when we look for what's best in a person we happen to be with at the moment, we're doing what God does all the time. So in loving and appreciating our neighbor, we're participating in something sacred.” ― Fred Rogers

  Sometimes we discipline by withholding these things.  This causes more grief than it cures any bad behavior.  The Lord's way is to bolster his children with these things which brings them to obey out of love.  We would do well to follow the Lord's lead in this as Fred Rogers suggests.

There are higher levels to Maslow's hierarchy.  When a person's social needs are met, they will sometimes develop ego needs, or the need for power.  There are a few people form whom this need is over powering.

The top of Maslow's pyramid is called "self actualization."  This means fulfilling oneself by developing talents.  It can also mean fulfilling oneself by sacrificing one's own needs to help others achieve their needs.  Mothers do this the most.

What people want varies due to circumstance.  Their needs can usually be understood through Maslow's theories.

What do you think the world needs more of right now?

When I was a kid growing up in the 60's there was a popular song that handled this questions as well as it can be handled:

 What the world needs now is love, sweet love
It's the only thing that there's just too little of
What the world needs now is love, sweet love,
No not just for some but for everyone.

--Jackie DeShannon

This hasn't changed since the 60's.  Of course, in the LDS Church we talk about "charity," or the "pure love of Christ."  To me it is beyond interesting that this is what Mormon and Moroni, two war generals, choose to focus on as their people are annihilated.  

We have bits of hate that we cling to, and we have little ways by which we justify it.  We say to ourselves that the suffering of the sufferer is justified because it is the consequence of sin and or stupidity.  There is no such room for hate in the pure love of Christ, otherwise he would not have performed the Atonement.  This is just exactly the loop hole through which we all would have slipped when the Savior cried to his Father, "let this cup pass from me."  

We are apt to say that we love this sinner, but we hate the sin.  Of course the sentiment on the surface is logical, but in reality, this is just another ruse we use to justify not loving the sinner.  

I will not go on.  Enough--perhaps too much--has been said in LDS circles about charity and what it means.  We have become like the Pharisees who endlessly debate the "weightier" doctrine, but still offer our alms, not to bless the sufferer, but to be seen of men.  Interestingly, the Savior's love extends even to the Pharisee.  The Pharisee is free to claim it if he will.  "My grace is sufficient for all men who humble themselves before me."  

I remember being taught that the Savior's words on the cross, "Father forgive them, for they know not what they do," were directed at the Romans, but not at the Pharisees, as if the Atonement were unavailable to some.  I don't mean at all to preach that forgiveness and repentance are cheap.  The Pharisee's access to the saving graces comes through humility, a thing foreign to one of that mindset.  And foreign to us until we have compassion for the Pharisee.  

Enmity, the opposite of love, is increasing in the Earth.  Satan has sworn that he will gather the treasures of the Earth and then use enmity to carry out his reign of blood and horror.  We have seen him in his attempts to do this in WWI and in WWII.  The world now has the weaponry that could annihilate us.  Before long, our resolve to love rather than to use force and violence will be tested.  The treasures of the Earth have been amassed.  The desperate struggle to have more than the next person is resulting in worsening conditions for the poor. And rather than responding with compassion for the poor, we are directed by those involved in this Church of the Great and Abominable, Spacious Building that the poor have brought their misery upon themselves and will only learn to be better if we let them suffer.  Don't be confused; this is the Church of Satan in all of its splendor.  

The only answer to this growing hatred is love.  If the Savior's offer of the greatest love of all is not sufficient to turn us from our way, if we do not hear Lehi's invitation to come to the Tree of Life, then we are doomed to the fate the Book of Mormon warns us of--annihilation.  

What have you learned about other people in life? (trustworthy, kind or not and mean)?

     There is a spark of the divine in each person.  In Eastern custom, when someone is greater, the hands are pressed palms together in font at about chin level, and a small bow is made.  The palms pressed together creates a shape like the sacred flame and when the Easterner does this, he or she is paying homage to the spark of the god that is in the person being greeted.  In Wester culture we do not greet in this manner, but it would be well to mentally do something of the kind.  Our ability to develop charity would be greater.  The amount of kindness and goodness in our circle of influence would grow.
     That having been said, we should also remember the caveat: Buyer beware.
     The council that Polonius gives his son, Laertes, upon his departure for school is good council, though Polonius does not follow it as well as he should.  Here is my council:
1.  Be a friend to all, but carefully choose those whom you will hold closely and dearly.  Chose them based on how they help you to be a better person.  It is important to be well connected in this world, but do not make connections that will cost you your reputation or your standards.
2.  You friends will have a great influence on your thinking, so chose them carefully.
3.  I have never been one who cared much for social climbing.  So, in situations where there are new people to meet, I usually gravitate to those that I can serve rather than to those I want to keep up with or get ahead of.  It has brought me greater happiness, and it has protected me from the influence of those who occupy the Great and Spacious Building.
4.  Social media will allow you to maintain many relationships with people you have known from long ago and far away.  Don't be afraid to express your opinion on social media, but do avoid the tendency of many to be rude.  When old friends post something that is hurtful, don't be shy about telling them or about just hiding the post.  I usually tell my friends when they have posted something stupid.  ("Stupid" does not mean something I disagree with; it means something that is rude and offensive in a real way.)  Be careful what you "like" because it will show to anyone of your friends that you "liked" it.  Mostly, it will serve you best on social media to keep a grateful attitude (avoid complaining), a positive mood (avoid being grumpy), an uplifting spirit (avoid the trash and the trolls).
5.  See others as their Heavenly Father sees them--with hope and compassion.  Each person who wrongs you or others or themselves, remember that the Savior willingly suffers for them and would want them to repent and to receive forgiveness.  "Remember that the worth of souls is great in the eyes of the Lord." But always be aware of who is influencing whom when it comes to relationships.  Be hyper aware of the influence that you have on others and chose to be closer to those who have a good influence on you.  How will you know if the influence is good?  Ask Moroni.  It is good if it brings you closer to Christ.

When they think about their careers, what do you want your children to focus on?

   Career wise I want my children to focus on service: whom do you serve, how do you serve, why do you serve.  Employment will provide "sufficient for our needs," but service pays the extra dividends of happiness and fulfillment.
   Think of this in terms of Jacob Ch 2 in the Book of Mormon: Seek ye first the kingdom of God and his righteousness and all these things will be added unto you.  That's a loose quote.  But it contains what is important.  In our employment we seek first God's Kingdom, not wealth.  Seeking wealth never did anyone any good.
   What I am suggesting is that through service we seek the kingdom of God.  Find work were you provide service that people cannot do for themselves.  Serving those who can and should do for themselves is demeaning and will not bring joy, but misery, unhappiness, low self-esteem, etc. By the same token, don't hire people to do for you what you should do for yourself.  If you do hire someone to care for your children, clean your house, etc., pay them more than they are worth.  Most of the problems we have in the lower economic sector comes from people not being respected, not respecting themselves.  Don't hire someone who doesn't know how to respect, and don't disrespect someone by not paying them more than they are worth to you.
   In your employment, give more than you are asked, or than is required.  This is the best job security.  But beyond that, this is the best path to integrity, honesty, and happiness in your line of work.  When you make it your goal to give more than you get, you will never fall into that pit of thinking you are being mistreated.  If you are actually being mistreated, get out.
   Do not work more than you are able.  Set secure boundaries on your time commitments to your work along with secure boundaries on your family time.  We work so that we can support the family; the family supports work, if and only if it is not robbed of parental time and spousal time.  If work is requiring you to sacrifice family time, leave.   Let some other sucker to that.  Your family will be your eternal reward.  Don't trade that for a temporal reward--no matter how large.
   Dedicate some of your work time to the study and perfection of what you do.  The best professions have built in professional development plans and will encourage it and even pay for it.  Stay on the crest of new technology, new practices, etc.  Always improve what you do.  Always find better ways to do what you do.
   Have and exit plan.  That means that you should save money until you have enough to leave your job without worry.  It also means planning for retirement--having enough to live on for the remainder of your days.  It means planning for a senior mission or other church service in your retirement years.  These things are not inexpensive.
    A final note on careers: no one is an expert at anything until they have ten years of ernest effort at improving at that thing.  In other words, when you begin a career, don't expect to be the expert.  But study what you do.  Learn for the best in the field.  Find a mentor.  Make friends strategically.  That means, you should make friends with those who can help you become the best in your field, or who inspire you to be the best in your field.  Schmoozing is the creating of fake friendships for gain.  Form real friendships.  Have a ten year plan.  Remember that we over estimate how much we can accomplish in one year, and we under estimate how much we can accomplish in ten.  Have a strong ten year plan that is founded on your core principles--gospel principles.
   Here are some pitfalls to avoid:
1. Some of us avoid confrontations.  We can't afford that.  Never avoid a confrontation with an underling or a peer.  If you feel that you can't have the tough conversations with your superior, then consider if that is your fear, or the superior's ego.  If it is the superior, leave.  Find a new job.  If it is you, grow up.  2.  If you can't perform a given task, get help.  Don't fail if you know you will fail.  Speak up.  Ask for help.  Get the training, get the skill, or get someone else to do it.  Don't hide your incompetence.  That will kill you and the company you work for.  3.  Don't focus too much on your weaknesses.  Focus on your strengths.  Weaknesses can be eliminated, but we progress farther and faster when we focus on what we already do best.

What three words would you say best describe who you tried to be in life and how you want to be remembered?

Here's where I get to imagine how I wish I was.  The three words: "Father," "Teacher," "Disciple."

I'm going to cheat here a little and insist that the term "father" incorporates "husband."  You can't be one without the other.  My fatherhood cannot be comprehended without you mother's motherhood.  Of all the things important to me, none has been more important than raising a family together with your mother.  And there is nothing that I have succeeded at other than this.  David O McKay said that no success could compensate for failure in the home.  I would add the corollary, that success in the home will compensate for any and all other failure.  My children are my Mount Rushmore, and long after Rushmore has crumbled to dust, my posterity will continue righteously in the priesthood.

"Teacher" is also a cheat word because we are all teachers in all that we do.  I will not say that everyone I have taught has been better for my teaching.  So many would do well no matter who their teacher might have been.  But there are a few whose lives are better because I taught them.  This is why I teach.  And when I have been blessed to teach the gospel, my joy is full.

I want it to be said of me that I was a disciple of Christ.  When I got serious about finding a wife, my chief factor (the deal breaker) was her faith in Christ, or her desire to follow Christ.  Together Mother and I have done this, imperfectly, as all humans do.  It has taken me a lifetime to begin to follow Christ as one should.  No worries.  If in this life we learn to bend all of our will to do His will we have discovered the one great mystery, the one great secret that is the key to all others.  I want to be thought of as one who sat at the Savior's feet and listened to his teachings, and then went and did what I was taught.  I have not always been this, but through the miracle of repentance, I am becoming this.

What message do you have for [spouse] that you want her/him to always keep in mind?

Dear Jodi,

Of course I was attracted to you because you were (and still are) the most amazingly beautiful woman.  This isn't something that you were just born with; you take care of yourself and keep yourself in good health.  But, that is not why I asked you to marry me.  I wanted a wife who would help me draw closer to our Savior.  So, when I started to wonder about our future, I asked you about your relationship with Jesus Christ.  Your answer let me know all that I needed to know.  You told me of your doubts.  You told me of your experience overcoming the effects of your train accident.  You told me about your father and the promises he had made the Lord at the time of your accident and your thoughts about him not living up 100% to those promises.  Despite the doubts you claimed to have, I could tell you had great faith.  This is why I asked you to marry me.
   We have done more than our fair share of arguing over the years.  Every time we do, I realize how much I am blessed to have a wife who stands up for her own feelings and her own wishes.  And I also realize how blessed I am to have a wife who stays with me despite my stubbornness--not to mention your own stubbornness.  How on earth could two such bull headed people get along.  But we do, and we are the "goals" of the kids where I teach.
   In the traditional marriage vow of the Christian world, the partners pledge to love each other "for richer or for poorer, for better or for worse, in sickness and in health."  You certainly have.  Your mother's prediction that "If you marry that Bennion boy, you'll be poor the rest of your life," has proven true.  And yet you have never complained about our poverty.  You have never given a second thought about my health.  You have loved me with only one condition, that I love you too.  And I do.
   You have given me five beautiful, gracious, and capable children--when the medical profession said that you wouldn't be able to have any, or that if you did have any, you wouldn't be able to rear them.  Your faith in the promises of the Lord has proven the world wrong.
   When we were young you used to complain about the many things that you couldn't do because of your accident.  Now look at you and all the things that you have accomplished--and are still doing, in our family, professionally, and in the Church.  You are the best example I know of overcoming life's challenges, of never giving up, of serving others faithfully.
   You are the spiritual heart of our family.  You see to it that we have prayer, family council, family home evening.  You hear the directions from the Spirit of the Lord and have the faith to follow them.  When the Spirit told you that we were to have another child, I had no doubts.  And in faith we did what the world would call religious fanaticism, crazy, or just plain stupid.  But look at the amazing young man we have been blessed with for our faithfulness.  I defy the world and its labels.
   You listened to the voice of the Spirit and had the will to stand up to your parents and move quite literally to the "wilderness."  I have never felt more out of place, alone, or afraid than I felt when we first arrived in Western Kansas.  But, in no time we made the place our home.  You never complained or said, "I wish we had never come here."  You left the beautiful home your parents had helped us buy and moved into a lesser home in Scott City.  We moved from there to a lesser home in Shallow Water.  Now we live in an even lesser home in Stark City.  And yet, you have never complained about any of these homes.  Instead you have worked to make each place livable, beautiful, and comfortable.  I have no doubt that the Heaven I will have with you in the eternities will be a place of glory.
   You have done such an amazing job rearing our children, teaching them to love reading, and teaching them to love the Lord.  My greatest gift to our children was you.  I worked at whatever I could so that you could be home with them.  Of course, there was marrying you in the first place.  Choosing a capable woman was my first gift to my children.  Working so that you could be home with them was the second part of the gift.  I hope that they will never forget how blessed they are to have you.  I will never forget how blessed I am to have you.