Matthew was born just about one year after Katherine. My parents were living at Green Jacket in a home my father built next to my great-grandfather, Israel Bennion's home. My mother had developed a bad stomach ache which caused her to go into labor a month early. Matthew's lungs were not yet fully developed, and lacking the medical equipment and skills that would come in a few short decades, Matthew only lived two days. My father could see that this was the case and so gave Matthew a name and a blessing at the hospital. One of my siblings posted a letter that my father wrote on the occasion. I will try to find it and copy it here.
My dad was behind on his tithing at the time of Matthew's birth and felt that things might have gone differently had he been square with the Lord. In any event, he was faithful in his tithes from then on. There is a brush that grows plentifully at Green Jacket that my dad calls Brigham Tea. I that it was called Rabbit Brush. A tea can be made from its leaves that will sooth and quiet an upset stomach. My father, when he discovered this thought that he could have administered this and prevented the premature birth.
The characteristic of my father and mother that is worthy of emulation is that when a tragedy happened they didn't lose faith, but gained faith. Passing through life with this habit can only produce great faith. It is a trait that they passed to their children.
I have already mentioned in my post about Katherine about her experiences with Matthew. So I will only reiterate here that Matthew has been close to the family. It has been a great blessing to have a brother on the other side. On more than one occasion we have felt his presence with us in the temple. My parents expect to be allowed to raise him during the millennium.
Although I have not had any experiences similar to those Katherine has spoken to me about, I do not doubt Katherine's stories. But these stories get retold often enough that details become blurred and reinterpreted. Be careful when hearing them, and be especially careful not to share them. Otherwise our family treasures become urban legends or faith promoting rumors.
Sunday, January 28, 2018
Sunday, January 21, 2018
Katherine
Since I have 12 siblings I will combine #'s 19 and 20 and just make one entry for each sibling.
When I was about four years old Dad took the family on a fishing trip to Scofield Reservoir. I managed to fall into the lake and Katherine "fished" me out. She claims to have saved my life, and I'm willing to allow her that. I don't remember the event, but somewhere there is a family picture of me standing by a sheet metal stove wearing one of my sister's coats.
Most of my early memories of Katherine are negative. She was usually left in charge of the children when Mom and Dad when somewhere. She ruled the unruly group of younger siblings with shouts and threats. So, we younger siblings would taunt her, and call her a "bossy cow," a mantra that we would chant changing the first letter of each word to "s." "Sasrine sis a sossy sow." This didn't really sound tame and I'm sure she knew we were taunting her, which made her all the more unreasonable. Joe was old enough and strong enough to challenge Katherine for supremacy at home and sometimes the battle between older siblings was terrifying to a little boy. On one occasion Katherine had a chain from the backyard swing set with which she was chasing Joe through the house. At least that is my memory.
One of my most embarrassing moments as a boy came when I was about nine of ten. I had just taken a shower and had gone to my room to dress. So, I'm standing there buck naked just about to pull up my skivvies when Katherine burst through the door unannounced. I don't remember what she wanted; all I remember is how frustrated and angry I was. I swore that I would get even with her and bust in on her unannounced. I never did, I wanted to shame her as I had been shamed. Freud could write a whole book on me and that one incident alone.
Katherine was a big fan of Paul McCartney and the Beatles. She had a fairly good sized collection of Beatles memorabilia. Mother threw it all away.
I remember Katherine as a college student. Her room mates used to look twice at me when I would visit her apartment in Provo. I thought this was pretty cool, but Katherine warned me to stay clear of them. During this time Katherine was driving a VW Bug, which I also thought was pretty cool.
Katherine has told me a little about the years before I was born. Mom and Dad lived in a small house that Dad built at Green Jacket. This was across from the home that Israel Bennion had built, where my cousin Liz and her husband Allan Mitchell live today. My dad was always affectionate with his littlest children. This would generally continue until we were about five, at which time we because subjects in need of correction--no more affection--only reprimands. This went hard on Katherine. As a little girl in love with her daddy, she didn't understand why suddenly he was not affectionate with her anymore. Katherine once told me that she thought Dad quit his affection because he was afraid that he might become abusive--that he was afraid of having affection for a child past the age of about five. Maybe. I alway felt that Dad just didn't have time or patience for older children. I have memories of my dad's affection, but they are very vague. For Katherine, being the oldest, losing Dad's affection was hard. She often described her teen years as dark.
There was a story about in Mormon circles about a general authority, I don't remember which one, and it doesn't matter, who said to a child that they would prefer to meet the train to receive the child's casket then that they would meet the train to receive the child coming home without their honor. (In the story honor meant virtue, or virginity.) To Katherine this was more evidence that her father had lost his ability to love her.
In the early 70's Joe and Katherine had taken to referring to Dad as "Chairman Owen," a reference to the communist, Chairman Mow. Dad was very authoritarian and Katherine and Joe were both very taken with the liberal sentiments of those Hippie days. Both Katherine and Joe still have strong Liberal leanings to this day. My own Liberal leanings came from different sources than theirs--a topic for another time.
Not long before my mission Katherine married Dennis Pincock. Their oldest daughter, Angelic was sometime hired to babysit for us. Angelic was born shortly before Uncle Jonny. Mom wasn't pregnant at Katherine's wedding, but the joke about Mormon weddings almost applies. "How can you tell it's a Mormon wedding? Because the mother of the bride is the one who's pregnant."
Katherine lived her entire life in the West Valley area. We sometimes went there for visits. Family gatherings often happened at Katherine's home. The older children would watch videos or play games upstairs while the grown ups held court below.
Katherine and Dennis were both educators. Katherine taught Kindergarten, which she mostly enjoyed, though she often complained of administrators or ridiculous policies. I think she just needed an ear to vent in. Mine was sometimes available.
When Katherine was a young woman--maybe early teen--she had a singular experience which has greatly affected her life. She woke to see a young man standing at the side of her bed. Of course she was startled. She tells me that the young man looked a lot like her brothers. The young man vanished. For years Katherine pondered on what this was. I've heard various versions of this story, and the one I'm relating is the one I believe to be closest to Katherine's own, but time plays tricks on memory, so I may have small details incorrect. Katherine does not like to have the story told, so I would ask that you not repeat it. It is her story, and to a degree it is mine.
When Mother and I were married in the Idaho Falls Temple, Katherine tells that just before the ceremony was performed she felt a spiritual presence enter the room with great force. At that moment she realized that the presence was our dead brother, Matthew. She also realized that the young man she had seen by her bedside so many years before was Matthew. On one occasion Katherine claimed that Matthew had helped her through the dark times of her teen years.
Others in the family from time to time have claimed to have seen Matthew in the Temple or to have felt his presence. I haven't had that privilege and sometime wonder at the stories told. However, Katherine's story about the young man at her bedside I have never doubted or felt any uncertainty about it. Once again, be careful about these kinds of stories. Retelling them in the wrong context or setting will turn your sacred story into an urban legend. So, keep these things and ponder them in your heart, but don't talk about them. My dad had a tendency to tell Katherine's story, and she was never happy about it.
Katherine is very moved by family history and genealogy. More than any of my siblings she does family history work, and is at this time serving a family history mission in SLC. She doesn't like sharing her research--not that she won't--but she feels that we should each do the research. There's something to that. She is also very particular about documenting dates and events in a family chart. We have an ancestor who used to baptize his children at home in the bath tub. Well, sometimes the record was not kept. So an ancestor who had all of their temple work done was baptized vicariously to get the ordinance properly recorded. After all, it is what is written in the books that will judge us.
Some of Katherine's children have left activity in the church, a thing that has deeply hurt her. It has taken her years to come to grips with the situation. Mother and I feel doubly blessed that our children remain faithful in the Church. We feel blessed that you are rearing your children in the love and admonition of the Lord. However, I know that agency being what it is, not all of our grandchildren may remain faithful in the Church. If this should happen, don't take it personally. Don't think that you have failed Mother and me. Love your children, keep them close. Don't drive them away if they should leave activity. If you teach your children to keep the Sabbath Day, to pay their tithing, and to prepare for missions and temple, then it is less likely that they will fall away from the Church. Be kind to those who have children who stray.
What would I say to Katherine? I am grateful for her kindness to me. I am grateful for her faithfulness. I am grateful for her patience with me. I would tell her to be at peace concerning her children. They are sealed to her. That can't be broken--not even by a wayward child. So, love them.
When any of you visit in the Salt Lake area, visit Katherine. Visit Angelic. These are families ties worth keeping up. Only some of your little ones are old enough to remember such a visit, but it will be worth it for those who are. Katherine can fill your ear with tons of old family lore. She remembers my parents' and grandparents' generations better than anyone now living.
When I was about four years old Dad took the family on a fishing trip to Scofield Reservoir. I managed to fall into the lake and Katherine "fished" me out. She claims to have saved my life, and I'm willing to allow her that. I don't remember the event, but somewhere there is a family picture of me standing by a sheet metal stove wearing one of my sister's coats.
Most of my early memories of Katherine are negative. She was usually left in charge of the children when Mom and Dad when somewhere. She ruled the unruly group of younger siblings with shouts and threats. So, we younger siblings would taunt her, and call her a "bossy cow," a mantra that we would chant changing the first letter of each word to "s." "Sasrine sis a sossy sow." This didn't really sound tame and I'm sure she knew we were taunting her, which made her all the more unreasonable. Joe was old enough and strong enough to challenge Katherine for supremacy at home and sometimes the battle between older siblings was terrifying to a little boy. On one occasion Katherine had a chain from the backyard swing set with which she was chasing Joe through the house. At least that is my memory.
One of my most embarrassing moments as a boy came when I was about nine of ten. I had just taken a shower and had gone to my room to dress. So, I'm standing there buck naked just about to pull up my skivvies when Katherine burst through the door unannounced. I don't remember what she wanted; all I remember is how frustrated and angry I was. I swore that I would get even with her and bust in on her unannounced. I never did, I wanted to shame her as I had been shamed. Freud could write a whole book on me and that one incident alone.
Katherine was a big fan of Paul McCartney and the Beatles. She had a fairly good sized collection of Beatles memorabilia. Mother threw it all away.
I remember Katherine as a college student. Her room mates used to look twice at me when I would visit her apartment in Provo. I thought this was pretty cool, but Katherine warned me to stay clear of them. During this time Katherine was driving a VW Bug, which I also thought was pretty cool.
Katherine has told me a little about the years before I was born. Mom and Dad lived in a small house that Dad built at Green Jacket. This was across from the home that Israel Bennion had built, where my cousin Liz and her husband Allan Mitchell live today. My dad was always affectionate with his littlest children. This would generally continue until we were about five, at which time we because subjects in need of correction--no more affection--only reprimands. This went hard on Katherine. As a little girl in love with her daddy, she didn't understand why suddenly he was not affectionate with her anymore. Katherine once told me that she thought Dad quit his affection because he was afraid that he might become abusive--that he was afraid of having affection for a child past the age of about five. Maybe. I alway felt that Dad just didn't have time or patience for older children. I have memories of my dad's affection, but they are very vague. For Katherine, being the oldest, losing Dad's affection was hard. She often described her teen years as dark.
There was a story about in Mormon circles about a general authority, I don't remember which one, and it doesn't matter, who said to a child that they would prefer to meet the train to receive the child's casket then that they would meet the train to receive the child coming home without their honor. (In the story honor meant virtue, or virginity.) To Katherine this was more evidence that her father had lost his ability to love her.
In the early 70's Joe and Katherine had taken to referring to Dad as "Chairman Owen," a reference to the communist, Chairman Mow. Dad was very authoritarian and Katherine and Joe were both very taken with the liberal sentiments of those Hippie days. Both Katherine and Joe still have strong Liberal leanings to this day. My own Liberal leanings came from different sources than theirs--a topic for another time.
Not long before my mission Katherine married Dennis Pincock. Their oldest daughter, Angelic was sometime hired to babysit for us. Angelic was born shortly before Uncle Jonny. Mom wasn't pregnant at Katherine's wedding, but the joke about Mormon weddings almost applies. "How can you tell it's a Mormon wedding? Because the mother of the bride is the one who's pregnant."
Katherine lived her entire life in the West Valley area. We sometimes went there for visits. Family gatherings often happened at Katherine's home. The older children would watch videos or play games upstairs while the grown ups held court below.
Katherine and Dennis were both educators. Katherine taught Kindergarten, which she mostly enjoyed, though she often complained of administrators or ridiculous policies. I think she just needed an ear to vent in. Mine was sometimes available.
When Katherine was a young woman--maybe early teen--she had a singular experience which has greatly affected her life. She woke to see a young man standing at the side of her bed. Of course she was startled. She tells me that the young man looked a lot like her brothers. The young man vanished. For years Katherine pondered on what this was. I've heard various versions of this story, and the one I'm relating is the one I believe to be closest to Katherine's own, but time plays tricks on memory, so I may have small details incorrect. Katherine does not like to have the story told, so I would ask that you not repeat it. It is her story, and to a degree it is mine.
When Mother and I were married in the Idaho Falls Temple, Katherine tells that just before the ceremony was performed she felt a spiritual presence enter the room with great force. At that moment she realized that the presence was our dead brother, Matthew. She also realized that the young man she had seen by her bedside so many years before was Matthew. On one occasion Katherine claimed that Matthew had helped her through the dark times of her teen years.
Others in the family from time to time have claimed to have seen Matthew in the Temple or to have felt his presence. I haven't had that privilege and sometime wonder at the stories told. However, Katherine's story about the young man at her bedside I have never doubted or felt any uncertainty about it. Once again, be careful about these kinds of stories. Retelling them in the wrong context or setting will turn your sacred story into an urban legend. So, keep these things and ponder them in your heart, but don't talk about them. My dad had a tendency to tell Katherine's story, and she was never happy about it.
Katherine is very moved by family history and genealogy. More than any of my siblings she does family history work, and is at this time serving a family history mission in SLC. She doesn't like sharing her research--not that she won't--but she feels that we should each do the research. There's something to that. She is also very particular about documenting dates and events in a family chart. We have an ancestor who used to baptize his children at home in the bath tub. Well, sometimes the record was not kept. So an ancestor who had all of their temple work done was baptized vicariously to get the ordinance properly recorded. After all, it is what is written in the books that will judge us.
Some of Katherine's children have left activity in the church, a thing that has deeply hurt her. It has taken her years to come to grips with the situation. Mother and I feel doubly blessed that our children remain faithful in the Church. We feel blessed that you are rearing your children in the love and admonition of the Lord. However, I know that agency being what it is, not all of our grandchildren may remain faithful in the Church. If this should happen, don't take it personally. Don't think that you have failed Mother and me. Love your children, keep them close. Don't drive them away if they should leave activity. If you teach your children to keep the Sabbath Day, to pay their tithing, and to prepare for missions and temple, then it is less likely that they will fall away from the Church. Be kind to those who have children who stray.
What would I say to Katherine? I am grateful for her kindness to me. I am grateful for her faithfulness. I am grateful for her patience with me. I would tell her to be at peace concerning her children. They are sealed to her. That can't be broken--not even by a wayward child. So, love them.
When any of you visit in the Salt Lake area, visit Katherine. Visit Angelic. These are families ties worth keeping up. Only some of your little ones are old enough to remember such a visit, but it will be worth it for those who are. Katherine can fill your ear with tons of old family lore. She remembers my parents' and grandparents' generations better than anyone now living.
Sunday, January 14, 2018
What three words would you say represented your approach to parenting and why?
I've had a while to think about this since my blog has been unavailable. Here are the words: Faith, Hope, and Charity. I know that sounds a bit simplistic, or perhaps it sounds like a Sunday School answer, so let me explain.
Faith. I think I mentioned in an earlier entry who Mother and I attended a fireside when we were young parents living in BYU Married Housing. I asked the question, "Are we justified in postponing a family when our finances are not ready for the burden? Dr. Peterson (who had been my pediatrician) answered, "Maybe you just need more faith." I was stunned and touched deep in my heart because my parents had never been in a financial position to have children. Indeed, it requires great financial faith to have a family these days. But there is much more.
Having children requires faith in Christ and his atonement. Knowing that we will make mistakes as parents--mistakes that will impact our children's lives, we can only proceed when we believe the Savior's promised redemption. Our children who wander will not be lost to us. There is a place in Christ where they will forgive us, and we will forgive them. This is the promise of the Temple ceremony that we should have righteous posterity. Faith is the thing.
We have to have faith in ourselves, and we have to have faith in our spouses. Through faith we receive the promptings of the Holy Spirit. It requires more faith to act on those.
I will admit that there have been times when I struggled to find the faith I needed to parent properly. At those times you experienced my deepest frustrations--my deepest fears. There is nothing in this life that I have worries about more than I have worried about losing one of you. At such times I didn't always behave with faith. Though, the Lord did help me and you to find a way. That means that your desire was for righteousness. I can't tell you how happy I am realizing that.
The second word is Hope. Parents have hopes for their children. Some of those hopes are righteous and some are not. I have always had hopes that my children would perform well. On occasion that has caused problems. Adam bore the brunt of that. I remember when he was in Little League. It was the last game of the season and he made it on base. But due to inexperience didn't know how to survive a squeeze play and was thrown out at Second. I yelled at him for that--to my great shame. I look back and would change that moment if I could. On another occasion Adam took a test that would determine if he would be able to take Advanced Math. He had David Donaldson took the test together. I was waiting for them in the car after the test and asked how it went. Adam said that he had skipped the last section of the test because he had not been taught those things. I blew up. Once again, I am embarrassed to think of it, but I gave him a great chewing out for not have tried the final questions. I think that each of you can think of such times in our relationship.
My hope has always been that my children would rise to prominence in life, and you have, in spite of my worst efforts. I still have great hopes for you. I hope that you will live in peace with your spouses. I hope that you will faithfully serve the Lord. I hope that you will rear your children in the admonition of the Lord, that you will teach them to keep the Sabbath Day Holy, to pay their tithing, and to marry in the temple. I know that you will teach them to be good citizens whatever else they choose to be.
The third word is Charity--the Pure Love of Christ. Charity means that you will easily forgive one another, that you will understand that happiness comes from serving each other and not though being served. I have developed a habit over the years of saying, "I love you," when Mother has said or done something that annoys me. Hahaha. I think she has caught on because lately she repeats the favor. I do not go to bed at night or get up in the morning without first thanking the Lord for my dear wife--my sweetest treasure. There have been times when I have not been grateful for Mother, and in those moments of daily prayer stopping until I am grateful for her has changed my life entirely.
I won't repeat here the sermons of Paul and Moroni on the subject of Charity. You know these, and they are well worth reviewing. I will say that Charity is best learned in the home as we struggle with each other in close proximity. Learn to curb your anger and your scathing rebukes. A soft answer truth away wrath. Study until you have learned the true meaning of the 121st section of the D&C. Reproving betimes with sharpness, does not mean with anger, but with exactness. Betimes means immediately. It does little good to reprove a child long after the fact. They need proximity of punishment and wrong doing in order to connect the two and change their ways. I have learned that reproving in anger is seldom if ever "reproving when moved upon by the Holy Ghost." My Uncle George once made the comment that he could not remember ever a time when the Holy Ghost prompted him to anger. I have learned much from that. There are places in the New Testament where the Savior seems to be upset with his disciples. But the remarks he gives them at such times can be spoken with the greatest of patience and long suffering. I do not think that the Savior ever lost his temper--not even when driving the money changers from the Temple--which he did in the zeal of the House of the Lord, but not in anger. I still struggle with this concept, but my cancer treatments and the pains of old age are teaching me patience and compassion.
Let these three things rule your homes and your lives. I have faith and hope that they do, and I love you with a love deeper than comprehension. I love you from before the foundations, and beyond the ends of the earth--and I believe that I have known you longer than all that.
Faith. I think I mentioned in an earlier entry who Mother and I attended a fireside when we were young parents living in BYU Married Housing. I asked the question, "Are we justified in postponing a family when our finances are not ready for the burden? Dr. Peterson (who had been my pediatrician) answered, "Maybe you just need more faith." I was stunned and touched deep in my heart because my parents had never been in a financial position to have children. Indeed, it requires great financial faith to have a family these days. But there is much more.
Having children requires faith in Christ and his atonement. Knowing that we will make mistakes as parents--mistakes that will impact our children's lives, we can only proceed when we believe the Savior's promised redemption. Our children who wander will not be lost to us. There is a place in Christ where they will forgive us, and we will forgive them. This is the promise of the Temple ceremony that we should have righteous posterity. Faith is the thing.
We have to have faith in ourselves, and we have to have faith in our spouses. Through faith we receive the promptings of the Holy Spirit. It requires more faith to act on those.
I will admit that there have been times when I struggled to find the faith I needed to parent properly. At those times you experienced my deepest frustrations--my deepest fears. There is nothing in this life that I have worries about more than I have worried about losing one of you. At such times I didn't always behave with faith. Though, the Lord did help me and you to find a way. That means that your desire was for righteousness. I can't tell you how happy I am realizing that.
The second word is Hope. Parents have hopes for their children. Some of those hopes are righteous and some are not. I have always had hopes that my children would perform well. On occasion that has caused problems. Adam bore the brunt of that. I remember when he was in Little League. It was the last game of the season and he made it on base. But due to inexperience didn't know how to survive a squeeze play and was thrown out at Second. I yelled at him for that--to my great shame. I look back and would change that moment if I could. On another occasion Adam took a test that would determine if he would be able to take Advanced Math. He had David Donaldson took the test together. I was waiting for them in the car after the test and asked how it went. Adam said that he had skipped the last section of the test because he had not been taught those things. I blew up. Once again, I am embarrassed to think of it, but I gave him a great chewing out for not have tried the final questions. I think that each of you can think of such times in our relationship.
My hope has always been that my children would rise to prominence in life, and you have, in spite of my worst efforts. I still have great hopes for you. I hope that you will live in peace with your spouses. I hope that you will faithfully serve the Lord. I hope that you will rear your children in the admonition of the Lord, that you will teach them to keep the Sabbath Day Holy, to pay their tithing, and to marry in the temple. I know that you will teach them to be good citizens whatever else they choose to be.
The third word is Charity--the Pure Love of Christ. Charity means that you will easily forgive one another, that you will understand that happiness comes from serving each other and not though being served. I have developed a habit over the years of saying, "I love you," when Mother has said or done something that annoys me. Hahaha. I think she has caught on because lately she repeats the favor. I do not go to bed at night or get up in the morning without first thanking the Lord for my dear wife--my sweetest treasure. There have been times when I have not been grateful for Mother, and in those moments of daily prayer stopping until I am grateful for her has changed my life entirely.
I won't repeat here the sermons of Paul and Moroni on the subject of Charity. You know these, and they are well worth reviewing. I will say that Charity is best learned in the home as we struggle with each other in close proximity. Learn to curb your anger and your scathing rebukes. A soft answer truth away wrath. Study until you have learned the true meaning of the 121st section of the D&C. Reproving betimes with sharpness, does not mean with anger, but with exactness. Betimes means immediately. It does little good to reprove a child long after the fact. They need proximity of punishment and wrong doing in order to connect the two and change their ways. I have learned that reproving in anger is seldom if ever "reproving when moved upon by the Holy Ghost." My Uncle George once made the comment that he could not remember ever a time when the Holy Ghost prompted him to anger. I have learned much from that. There are places in the New Testament where the Savior seems to be upset with his disciples. But the remarks he gives them at such times can be spoken with the greatest of patience and long suffering. I do not think that the Savior ever lost his temper--not even when driving the money changers from the Temple--which he did in the zeal of the House of the Lord, but not in anger. I still struggle with this concept, but my cancer treatments and the pains of old age are teaching me patience and compassion.
Let these three things rule your homes and your lives. I have faith and hope that they do, and I love you with a love deeper than comprehension. I love you from before the foundations, and beyond the ends of the earth--and I believe that I have known you longer than all that.
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